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Dear Ann Cannon • My best friend and I have shared the same dream for years — to become published authors. Over the years we've attended conferences and participated in writers' groups together. Recently, she acquired an agent who has sold one of her manuscripts to a big-time publisher. Meanwhile, everything I send out gets rejected. I hate feeling this way, but I'm having a hard time being happy for my friend. Suggestions?

— Reluctantly Jealous

Dear Reluctantly • It's only natural to feel jealous when someone else gets what you really, really want. What makes your situation more challenging is that your best friend is involved. You've got yourself a big old mixed drink of emotions, right?

You've already done the first thing I'd advise — acknowledging to yourself that you're jealous of your friend's newfound success. It's always a good move to be upfront about these things. And sometimes the mere act of acknowledging how you truly feel can help diminish the intensity of the feeling — at least a little bit. Meanwhile, don't forget to show yourself some compassion. You're in tough emotional territory.

So what's next? Treat your friend the way you would want her to treat you. Send her a bouquet of congratulatory flowers. Go to her readings and book signings. Buy copies of her book and give them as gifts.

Here's the deal — and I do speak as a person who knows a lot of writers: Books come and go. Yesterday's best-seller is today's discounted item on a remainder table. A nourishing friendship, on the other hand, can last forever.

Dear Ann Cannon • What is the best way to deal with friends who shout when they are under pressure? I know it doesn't have anything to do with me, but I feel responsible.

— Cringes When the Shouting Starts

Dear Cringes • You know what I think? Many shouters don't realize how they're coming across when they start up. Some of them don't even think they're yelling. Still, shouters can create a lot of stress for the people around them.

In some ways it would be easier to manage your problem if the shouters in your life were family members. It's pretty easy to tell family members to knock something off, even if that doesn't do much good. Friends, though? That's harder. You could possibly tell them to dial it down. Or you could do what I'd do (and I'm not saying this is smart): Remind myself I'm not responsible for their behavior and that I don't have to fix anything. Then I'd buy myself a doughnut and ignore the shouting.

Dear Ann Cannon • My wife has a cat she's crazy about. I'm not really a cat lover, but I've been OK with this one because I want to make my wife happy. Up until now, the cat and I have coexisted peacefully. Lately, though, it's driven me nuts, even though nothing about the cat's behavior has actually changed. Still, I'm worried that I'll haul off and kick it across the room. I'm bothered by my reaction. What do you think is going on?

— Bugged

Dear Bugged • Don't kick the cat.

OK. Now that we have the actual advice part out of the way, let's explore why your feelings about the cat have changed. And, btw, kudos to you for not blaming the cat but realizing, instead, that something in you has shifted. Kudos, too, for wanting to address the issue.

So, what about one of these possibilities?

1. You're feeling stressed out in some other area of your life. An animal can (unfortunately) become a punching bag when that happens. If this is the case, figure out what's going on and make the necessary adjustments.

2. You're annoyed with your wife at some level but you're unwilling to bring it up with her, so the cat has become her stand-in. If this is the case, identify what's bothering you. Then either bring it up with her in a constructive way or let it go.

3. You're jealous of the cat. My mom sometimes claims I am jealous of her poodle. (Memo to my mom's poodle: Dude. I am not jealous of you just because she likes you better than she likes me.)

I hope this helps.

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