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Dear Ann Cannon • My father, who is terminally ill, has expressed a desire to be cremated when he dies. I know my mother, who is his caretaker, wants to have a traditional funeral and burial for him. I'm not sure how best to respond. Your thoughts?

— Not Sure What To Do

Dear Not Sure • This reminds me of a conversation I once had with my own father. After telling him that I want a pine box and bagpipes for my funeral, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "You know what? I can totally promise that when you cash in your chips, you aren't gonna care." Readers may strongly (!) disagree with me, but I think if a funeral will provide your mother with the comfort and closure she'll surely need, why not respect her wishes? In my opinion, memorial services of any kind are for the ones left behind.

Dear Ann Cannon • My husband is so kind, but his family takes advantage of him. One of his siblings has lived in our basement for 15 years, and now we have a grandchild here, too. Everyone promises to move in the near future, but they never do. My husband likes having them around, but I have no life of my own. Suggestions?

— Tired of This

Dear Tired • Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. Fifteen years is a looooong time. And, unfortunately, you've set a precedent that will be hard to walk back from: Everyone in your extended family knows by now that you and your spare rooms are open for business. Convincing them otherwise at this stage in the game will be difficult.

I do know one older couple who solved a similar problem by downsizing. They sold their home, moved into a two-bedroom condo and lived happily ever after. But since your husband doesn't seem to be bothered by the ongoing presence of relatives, this solution may not work for you.

Maybe you need to focus on finding a life of your own away from your home.

I'm not urging you to move out — not at all — but I do think you should take an inventory of your interests and then pursue them without the slightest hint of guilt. Join a book group. Volunteer. Take a painting or cooking class. Plan a road trip with or without your husband. Do something for yourself and do it now.

Dear Ann Cannon • How do you deal with that person whose food choices have turned into a religion? I have a friend who insists that our dinner group only go to vegetarian restaurants. Also, she talks about what she will and will not eat, even if other people at the same table are eating those very things. I have food allergies myself. I eat carefully and carry an EpiPen but try not to draw attention to myself when I'm with other people.

— Not a Fanatic

Dear Not a Fanatic • What is it about human beings that makes us so eager to convert others to our way of doing things? It probably depends on the human being, right? Maybe we want our choices validated, even praised by others. Or maybe we legitimately believe that our way will make everyone around us happier and healthier. No matter how pure the intention, however, crusaders can occasionally be real killjoys.

For what it's worth, I think you've chosen the better part by taking care of your needs without causing unnecessary drama. As far as your friend is concerned, I don't think you can change her behavior. So if you still want to have a relationship with her, maybe the two of you should engage in an activity that doesn't involve food. Like bowling. Last time I checked, bowling isn't against anybody's religion.

Yet.

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