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Robert Kirby

Last Updated Feb 5, 2016 09:38PM

I’ve never sued anyone. I bring up this point because I’m probably not the best person to give advice on whether a lawsuit has merit. But I consider myself smart enough to understand when one is completely stupid. Note: My wife will tell you that what I have is more of a feral cunning than any real intelligence. I’m OK with that. It’s kept me alive and entertained thus far. Today’s stupidity comes in the form of Saima Ahmad, 20, a second-year university law student in England, who’s threatening to …

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  • (Al Hartmann  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Members of the Utah Senate stand for the national anthem to open the 2016 Utah Legislature Monday Jan. 25. Kirby: Utah Legislators have 3 million problems
    Before I begin, I want to clarify something I previously said about this year’s legislative session. It was unfair and needs to be addressed. Several...
    Updated Feb 01 2016 10:13 pm   |     |   Share
  • Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures A young macaque nurses at his mother’s breast in a moment from the DisneyNature documentary “Monkey Kingdom.” Kirby: No surprise; I’m part Neanderthal
    Got my DNA report results back a couple of weeks ago. It’s taken me time to go through everything that is wrong with me. The results are not encouragi...
    Updated Feb 01 2016 09:51 am   |     |   Share
  • (Rick Bowmer  |  The Associated Press)   Ammon Bundy, one of the sons of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, speaks to reporters during a news conference at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge after meeting with Harney County Sheriff David Ward earlier this month near Burns, Ore. Kirby: Bringing a losing cause to a gunfight
    Last summer, Sonny and I were shooting bowling balls out on the Salt Flats. It’s a great place for lunatic gunnery because the unobstructed view exten...
    Updated Feb 03 2016 04:13 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: How to be a master debater
    Since announcing my candidacy for the office of president of the United States a couple of weeks ago, I have been working hard to earn the respect and...
    Updated Jan 26 2016 07:00 am   |     |   Share


MORE ROBERT KIRBY COLUMNS
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Could you handle the truth about your religion?
    What if you could learn whether the religion you follow is true simply by pushing a button? No more need for faith. Now you could actually know inste...
    Updated Jan 25 2016 09:05 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby: One last column before I go to prison
    On Tuesday, I received a summons to appear before the Utah Supreme Court. It came as a shock because unlike the other times, I had no idea what I had ...
    Updated Jan 22 2016 10:03 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Some days, my sense of humor is hard to find
    Editor’s note • This is a reprint of an earlier column. For a brief time during the ’80s, my youngest brother, Chuck, and I were cops for the same...
    Updated Jan 18 2016 10:20 pm   |     |   Share
  • Stack of One Hundred Dollar Bills U.S. Kirby: Being rich sounds dangerously boring
    What would you do if you won a billion dollars? Or even just a paltry $220 million? How much of your life would change? More importantly, would it be ...
    Updated Jan 19 2016 02:49 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: It’s not too late to support me instead of Trump
    I have a responsibility to the American people. I tried to ignore it this year, but an outcry from previous supporters has forced me to reconsider whe...
    Updated Jan 15 2016 09:57 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: What the size of your gun says about the strength of your argument
    The first time I staged a public protest over rules I didn’t like was in the fifth grade. In a move that would outrage any free person, my father arbi...
    Updated Jan 12 2016 08:55 am   |     |   Share
  • In this image released by Warner Bros. Entertainment, Ed Helms, left, and Chevy Chase appear in a scene from ’Vacation.’ (Hopper Stone/Warner Bros. Entertainment via AP) Kirby: Being a good father requires a lot of love — and some dumb luck
    There are many things for which no person in their right mind should ever ask my advice. A short list includes counsel on finances, education, dancing...
    Updated Jan 11 2016 11:20 am   |     |   Share
  • (Rick Bowmer  |  The Associated Press)   Ammon Bundy, one of the sons of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, speaks to reporters during a news conference at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge after meeting with Harney County Sheriff David Ward on Thursday, near Burns, Ore. Ward and two other Oregon sheriffs met Thursday with Bundy, the leader of an armed group occupying a federal wildlife refuge and asked them to leave, after residents made it clear they wanted them to go home. Kirby: Why do activists never hear God saying 'Stay thou home'?
    Members of the Federal Aggression Response Troop (FART) militia have staged an armed takeover of a federal bird refuge in Oregon. Negotiations are goi...
    Updated Jan 08 2016 10:01 pm   |     |   Share
  • Kirby: Going from dumb to dumber
    If you live in the Herriman/Riverton area and are responsible in any way for a young girl who drives a late-model dark gray or black Jeep Wrangler, yo...
    Updated Jan 05 2016 07:25 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: New year, new omens
    Do you believe in signs or omens? I do sometimes, especially if they’re ominous. The first one I ever noticed occurred in the closing days of 1971. W...
    Updated Jan 26 2016 03:24 pm   |     |   Share
  • In this image released by Warner Bros. Entertainment, Ed Helms, left, and Chevy Chase appear in a scene from ’Vacation.’ (Hopper Stone/Warner Bros. Entertainment via AP) Kirby: Being a good father requires a lot of love — and some dumb luck
    There are many things for which no person in their right mind should ever ask my advice. A short list includes counsel on finances, education, dancing...
    Updated Jan 11 2016 11:20 am   |     |   Share
  • (Rick Bowmer  |  The Associated Press)   Ammon Bundy, one of the sons of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, speaks to reporters during a news conference at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge after meeting with Harney County Sheriff David Ward on Thursday, near Burns, Ore. Ward and two other Oregon sheriffs met Thursday with Bundy, the leader of an armed group occupying a federal wildlife refuge and asked them to leave, after residents made it clear they wanted them to go home. Kirby: Why do activists never hear God saying 'Stay thou home'?
    Members of the Federal Aggression Response Troop (FART) militia have staged an armed takeover of a federal bird refuge in Oregon. Negotiations are goi...
    Updated Jan 08 2016 10:01 pm   |     |   Share
  • Kirby: Going from dumb to dumber
    If you live in the Herriman/Riverton area and are responsible in any way for a young girl who drives a late-model dark gray or black Jeep Wrangler, yo...
    Updated Jan 05 2016 07:25 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: New year, new omens
    Do you believe in signs or omens? I do sometimes, especially if they’re ominous. The first one I ever noticed occurred in the closing days of 1971. W...
    Updated Jan 26 2016 03:24 pm   |     |   Share
  • Tonya Couch, center, is taken by authorities to a waiting car after arriving at Los Angeles International Airport, Thursday, Dec. 31, 2015, in Los Angeles. Authorities said she and her son, Texas teenager Ethan Couch, who was sentenced to probation after using an ’affluenza’ defense for a 2013 wreck in Texas, fled to Mexico together in November as prosecutors investigated whether he had violated his probation. Both were taken into custody Monday, Dec. 28, after authorities said a phone call for pizza led to their capture in the resort city of Puerto Vallarta. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill) Kirby: Choose your own affliction
    A Texas teenager is in trouble. Not trouble like normal people know it. Ethan Couch, 18, isn’t starving, dying, homeless, in debt, or even particularl...
    Updated Jan 01 2016 09:08 pm   |     |   Share
  • Juan Coronado, a cocktail innovator from Jose Andres’ ThinkFoodGroup, demonstrates the making of a Nasturtium drink at Barmini, Tuesday, March 3, 2015 in Washington. Want that cocktail shaken, not stirred? How about centrifuged? These days, it’s possible as high-tech tools shake things up behind the bar with a razzle-dazzle flair that could make even an old fashioned feel newfangled. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)  Kirby: 13 Mormon cocktails for New Year’s Eve
    Editor’s note • Robert Kirby is on a Martinelli detox. This is a reprint of an earlier column. It’s almost party night. All over Utah, people will...
    Updated Dec 29 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Are you praying for the wrong people?
    Editor’s note • Robert Kirby’s family is still trying to dig him out from under a pile of discarded wrapping paper. This is a reprint of an earlier co...
    Updated Dec 27 2015 07:12 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I’ve got one hell of a Christmas hangover
    Editor’s note • Robert Kirby’s family is still trying to dig him out from under a pile of discarded wrapping paper. This is a reprint of an earlier co...
    Updated Dec 28 2015 12:45 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Beware The Wrapture
    With less than 72 hours to go until the morning of the big rip and tear, now is a good time to ask if you have all of your Christmas gifts properly wr...
    Updated Dec 22 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Merry ... whatever
    What is the appropriate salutation this time of year? Is it “Merry Christmas,” or the less religious and increasingly commercial “Happy Holidays”? I ...
    Updated Dec 20 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Here are the 10 most important jobs
    Last week, I mentioned that postal workers (and other shipping companies) ranked No. 5 on my Top Ten List of Most Important Jobs in the World. Some o...
    Updated Dec 18 2015 09:08 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Holding out for a hero — the mailman
    Postal workers — and by extension employees of UPS, FedEx, DHL Express, etc. — are on my list of Top 10 Most Important Jobs in the World. Note: If yo...
    Updated Dec 15 2015 09:21 am   |     |   Share