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Robert Kirby

Last Updated Jun 29, 2015 08:53AM

I planned to have three sons when I got married. Pretty hilarious, huh? Like it was totally up to me. Five seconds after it happened, I discovered that nothing about being married was entirely up to me. My plan — …

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  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Wait, did we miss the second coming?
    A few days ago, I dug out my LDS patriarchal blessing to see how I was doing. Traditionally given to Mormon teens, the blessings are intended to be ...
    Updated Jun 26 2015 10:58 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Brian Maffly  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   

San Juan County Commissioner Phil Lyman declines to speak with reporters as he leaves U.S. District Court in Salt Lake City. On Thursday, his lawyer concluded Lyman's defense against federal charges arising from an illegal ATV ride Lyman led in Utahís Recapture Canyon to protest BLM policies restricting motorized access. The four defendants put on only one witness, local water master Ferd Johnson. The case goes to the jury Friday. Kirby: Why should Utahns pay for Lyman’s bad idea?
    I am more than passingly familiar with the horrible feeling that things are turning out much worse than anticipated. Most people have experienced it. ...
    Updated Jun 23 2015 08:49 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: It’s not what it looked like
    Given the political climate at the Salt Lake City Police Department, today's column is a confession. It will probably ruin me, but times being what th...
    Updated Jun 21 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Getting dressed with the program
    There’s a dress code where I go to church. It’s been in place since I can remember. Exactly how rigidly it’s currently enforced, I no longer know. Nob...
    Updated Jun 21 2015 09:14 am   |     |   Share


MORE ROBERT KIRBY COLUMNS
  • (Francisco Kjolseth  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)  
Years of wind and water are ever present in the walls of a slot canyon in the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument. Kirby: How not to be the subject of a Utah search-and-rescue operation
    One of the things of which I am most proud is that despite having only a double-digit IQ, I have never been the focus of a search and rescue operation...
    Updated Jun 16 2015 06:01 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Dangerous animals live in high places
    Last week, Sonny and I made our semi-annual pilgrimage to Tavaputs Ranch. Preparations were mindlessly easy. They always are when going to heaven. Be...
    Updated Jun 14 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Some apology is in order
    About five minutes into my LDS mission, I figured out that I was never going to be the typical missionary. It just wasn't in me. While still in the f...
    Updated Jun 12 2015 10:37 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Prison is where the heart is
    Given how often the possibility of prison was factored into my childhood, I should be something of an expert on the matter. Maybe it’s time for me to...
    Updated Jun 09 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • (Mead Gruver  |  The Associated Press)  
A pamphlet distributed by the National Park Service to people entering Yellowstone National Park warns visitors not to get too close to bison, also known as buffalo, which can weigh up to 2,000 pounds and sprint three times faster than a person. Despite such warnings, bison have gored two Yellowstone tourists within the past three weeks. Kirby: Ignoring the warning signs gets you gored
    Last week, an Australian tourist got his butt handed to him by a bison in Yellowstone National Park. While attempting to get pictures of the animal, t...
    Updated Jun 07 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Choosing the wrong apostle
    The LDS Church is in the process of choosing a new apostle. It’s a big deal for many Mormons. The new apostle could possibly be the president of the c...
    Updated Jun 05 2015 11:13 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Robert Kirby photo)
Robert Kirby (center) with RuPaul (left) and Tammy Faye Bakker Messner at the 2000 Sundance Film Festival. Kirby: Geezerhood and the walrus in my mirror
    Editor’s note • Yesterday was Robert Kirby’s birthday. He missed his deadline and we still can’t find him. Today’s column is a reprint. That’s wh...
    Updated Jun 02 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Rush hour — highway to hell
    For more than 20 years now, I haven't had to commute to work. I get ready and go to work by climbing out of bed and stumbling across the hall into my ...
    Updated May 31 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: The outdoor gospel plan
    The Boy Scouts of America recently announced the appearance of a new Scouting award. Beginning this summer, the BSA will offer a merit badge in Human ...
    Updated May 29 2015 10:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: A cemetery is like a library full of stories
    Robert Kirby took the day off to observe Memorial Day. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Wandering through Mount Olivet Cemetery in Salt Lake...
    Updated May 25 2015 09:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Robert Kirby photo)
Robert Kirby (center) with RuPaul (left) and Tammy Faye Bakker Messner at the 2000 Sundance Film Festival. Kirby: Geezerhood and the walrus in my mirror
    Editor’s note • Yesterday was Robert Kirby’s birthday. He missed his deadline and we still can’t find him. Today’s column is a reprint. That’s wh...
    Updated Jun 02 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Rush hour — highway to hell
    For more than 20 years now, I haven't had to commute to work. I get ready and go to work by climbing out of bed and stumbling across the hall into my ...
    Updated May 31 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: The outdoor gospel plan
    The Boy Scouts of America recently announced the appearance of a new Scouting award. Beginning this summer, the BSA will offer a merit badge in Human ...
    Updated May 29 2015 10:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: A cemetery is like a library full of stories
    Robert Kirby took the day off to observe Memorial Day. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Wandering through Mount Olivet Cemetery in Salt Lake...
    Updated May 25 2015 09:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Loaded and locked with zero tolerance
    Given the educational standards of today, I’m happy to have received my formal schooling in the ’60s. It’s the only reason I can think of as to why I ...
    Updated May 24 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Reading scripture behind the lines
    One of the most singular things to me is the utter lack of humor in holy scripture. I’ve read the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Quran, and even Scien...
    Updated May 25 2015 11:45 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: The name of the game is fun
    Even though I don’t care for sports, I never miss my granddaughter’s early Saturday morning volleyball games. I wouldn’t get out of bed that early for...
    Updated May 18 2015 09:50 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Getting lucky with the wrong music
    I wasn’t a fan of Gordon Lightfoot in the early ’70s. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t aware of his work. Anyone who listened to the radio for more tha...
    Updated May 19 2015 02:45 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: The forgiving nature of Heavenly Mother
    I’ve always believed in a Mother in Heaven. The possibility isn’t something I ever studied, fretted about, or even bothered to debate with anyone. Wha...
    Updated May 15 2015 09:10 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: New laws in Zion
    Nearly 400 new laws go into effect today. If you break one of them, that’s OK. The Legislature has asked me to let you know that you’re not expected t...
    Updated May 12 2015 09:09 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Happy Mom’s Day to a babe
    By the time I was old enough to leave home, I thought I understood the basics of motherhood. I had spent 18 years being raised by a mom, so I knew wha...
    Updated May 10 2015 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Give with a little scream
    In the journals of my Mormon pioneer ancestor is a meticulous account of tithing paid to the LDS Church. Cash-strapped and starving, Korihor Kirby mad...
    Updated May 12 2015 05:55 pm   |     |   Share
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