This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Dear Ann Cannon • I recently left the LDS Church, largely to protect the LBGT members of my family. I am glad to have them safe from the rhetoric and culture that were so damaging to them, but I mourn the loss of sacred space and the regularly scheduled opportunities to do service. How can I find these kinds of things outside the church? I don't even know where to start.

— Next Step

Dear Next Step • You're certainly not alone when it comes to experiencing a dual sense of relief and loss upon exiting a religious community that (I assume) has been an important part of your life. I have gay formerly Mormon friends who've found places for themselves in other congregations they feel are friendlier to their situations. If you still desire a religious life that includes regular church attendance, investigate this possibility. Gather information by talking to friends or engaging in an online search.

Meanwhile, some individuals choose to create sacred spaces for themselves in the natural world. Spending time in the great outdoors has the effect of connecting them to something larger than themselves.

Finding service opportunities may require a bit more initiative on your part now, but obviously it can be done. All communities need dedicated volunteers to make them better places in which to live. Actively search for those. And don't forget that the LDS Church has a terrific nondenominational website (justserve.org), along with an app by the same name, that lists local service opportunities for Mormons and non-Mormons alike, no strings attached.

Dear Ann Cannon • How do I convince my husband a vacuum cleaner is a power tool?

— Needs a Hand Around the House

Dear Needs a Hand • You probably can't. But you can ask him to step up and help out.

Dear Ann Cannon • Everyone knows bleach is good to use to clean up a crime scene. Do I need to use Clorox or will a generic brand do?

— In a Quandary About Laundry Products

Dear Quandary • Hahahahahahahaha! OK. Next question.

Dear Ann Cannon • How do parents live with the sorrow caused by a child who has distanced herself from them? Both my adult daughters hate me because I failed them as a mother. I married young and had them when I was young and acted more like a friend than a mother. I eventually divorced their abusive father, but I realize now I put too much upon them at too young an age. I know that words don't matter much, but I have apologized profusely to them, and I'm changing my life for the better. Still, I am brokenhearted by the distance between me and my precious girls.

I've gone to therapists, and I know I am supposed to allow them to dictate how our relationship works right now, but how do I actually live without allowing my despair to weigh me down?

— So Sad

Dear Sad • Here's what I've observed over the course of my lifetime. Estranged family members can and do reconcile, which is why it's not over until it's over. So try to take some comfort from this reality.

Meanwhile, I agree with your therapists: You've let your girls know how you feel and now you should give them the space to work through their own feelings and desires at whatever speed is comfortable for them. As you know, this will require real patience on your part. Let your girls know you're interested in reconciliation, but don't push. Pushing will only drive them away. And if they do reach out to you, resist the temptation at first to explain why you did what you did. Explanations may sound like justifications to them. There will be time for those conversations down the road.

Finally, you may have to accept that you're going to feel some pain for a while. But carry on. Time does have a way of diminishing, if not completely healing, wounds. Continue to go about the positive business of rebuilding your life and take pride in what you're accomplishing. Remind yourself that you have survived heartbreak before and you'll survive it again.

Do you have a question for Ann? Send it to askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.