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Dear Ann Cannon • Tipping is getting out of hand. How much am I supposed to tip the girl at the candy counter for doing her job? How much do I tip at the juice store to the employee who takes my juice out of the refrigerator and hands it to me? Or the employee at the bakery who puts my cookie in a bag? If everyone requires a tip, it seems unfair for those who work hard for one.

—Stop the Madness

Dear Stop • Oh, the tipping jar thing can cause SO MUCH ANXIETY! There it is. The jar. Sitting right in the middle of the counter where you can't miss it. Staring you down. Daring you to ignore it. And what will people think if you don't drop some change in it? That you're cheap? Talk about pressure!

Because I don't have an advanced degree in Jar Tipping, I consulted a variety of online sources about the matter. The consensus seems to be that in most cases you can safely ignore the jar. Unlike a wait staff, employees at bakeries and candy stores generally don't depend on tips to bring up a salary to minimum wage level. One site suggests that if you feel like someone has given you exceptional help at a counter, feel free to directly hand a tip to her or him. Or mention that person's service to a manager.

Coffee shops and bars are a slightly different matter. Tipping baristas and bartenders, while not technically required, is commonplace — especially for customers who are regulars.

Hope this helps.

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Dear Ann Cannon • My significant other and I want you to choose for us. Cat? Or dog?

—Decision Time in Draper

Dear Decision Time • Cat. AND dog. You're welcome!

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Dear Ann Cannon • How do you maintain your privacy when your mother, who lives far away, regularly shares your ups and downs with her friends? There are things in a family's life that are up to that family to share when and IF they choose; it's hard when a mother blabs those things and then reports back, "I was telling Sue about (fill in the blank) and she said that when THAT happened to HER she did (fill in the blank)." There is no animosity on her part, just cluelessness. How to deal with that?

—Overshared

Dear Overshared • When it comes to disclosing personal information we're all wired differently. Some people are comfortable sharing everything (I offer Facebook as Exhibit A) while others, not so much. As you indicate here, the problem arises when people who value their privacy discover someone else has intentionally or unintentionally compromised that privacy. Things get especially dicey when loved ones are involved, right?

Because I've written about my family for years now, we've had to confront this issue for ourselves. When I was a young mother, I was so enthralled with my children that I rolled out their names in print regularly. As they grew older, it became clear to me that I needed to be more careful. I still write about my people, but I rarely use names now. And if I have a question about sharing a certain story, I ask first. Everyone seems to be comfortable with this arrangement. Also, it helps that none of them actually reads my column, so there's that.

As the parent of adult children myself, I'm going to throw this out there: You never stop worrying about your kids or taking on their burdens at some level, even if you shouldn't. Is it possible that your mother talks to her friends as a form of therapy for herself? I'm not making excuses for her, but sometimes it helps to understand why people do what they do.

Meanwhile, you have two options. The first is to gently and lovingly tell your mother that you don't want her to share your information with her friends. The second is to stop confiding in her.

Good luck!

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