My 7-year-old granddaughter has been working on her Halloween costume for weeks. Along with 25 million other little girls, she's going trick-or-treating as Hannah Montana. Hallie's 5-year-old brother Gage is more practical. He is going to be a firefighter. Or maybe it's an arsonist. Anyway, his younger brother Tate is tagging along as a Dalmatian firehouse dog. I asked Hallie if I could be Hannah Montana, too. She said I couldn't, "because you're a boy." I could be Billy Ray Cyrus, though. Hmm, I don't know. Some things are too awful to warrant imitating even on Halloween. I'll have to pick out something else. It should be easy. Not only is it Halloween, the scariest time of year, but the world is about as terrifying as it's been for a long time. There are plenty of frightening characters to choose from. For example, when it comes to scaring the crap out of people, Frankenstein has nothing on global warming. Maybe I'll go as a climatologist. Every time I see one on TV, he or she is talking about how we're all going to die. Health care provider. There's a good one. Is anyone more reviled outside of the presidential race than a health insurance company? I'm not sure about the costume though. How do you dress up as an HMO? Lots of people are worried about illegal immigrants. Depending on who you listen to, they are ruining the economy. The costume would be easy enough: dishwasher, landscaper, convenience store clerk, food service worker, laborer, etc. Although gas prices have come down a little, posing as an oil company executive might be going too far. Halloween is only pretend, but someone might shoot me for real if I show up on their porch wearing an Exxon name tag. Mortgage lenders are damn scary to a lot of people, what with all the foreclosures. Actually, ringing someone's door dressed like this (whatever it is) wouldn't be scary so much as just plain cruel. I've toyed with the idea of dressing up like a reality show contestant. It's not spooky so much as it is just plain disturbing. If I see or even hear of one more of these, I won't be responsible for my actions. Finally, there's always dressing up like a politician or a Wall Street investment firm. You probably wouldn't collect much candy though. That we don't hang them all is, I say, treat enough. Actually, that's not very fair. All of the scary things I just described are the collective fault of everyone in America. We don't really need to live in fear of those things. We caused them, either through greed, ignorance or apathy. You want to be something really scary for Halloween this year? Go as yourself.