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Dear Ann Cannon • My husband and I (we're newlyweds) recently went on a beach trip with his family. I was surprised that they didn't do regular meals. In fact, his sisters hardly seem to eat at all. I didn't speak up because I'm new to the party. Should I say something the next time we all do something together? The family has a ski vacation planned for December.

— Hungry

Dear Hungry • Wow. Because I literally track everything in my life by what I was eating at the time (for example, I was eating a bean burrito from Taco Bell when I went into labor with our first son and a chicken salad in Lindsey Gardens with my friend Sally the night I went into labor with our second son), I feel your pain.

But that's not the point.

The point is that you went hungry while spending time with your new in-laws. As to your question, I think it's too early for you to step in and challenge a pattern this family has clearly established over the years when they're together. Wait until you're all more comfortable with one another.

Meanwhile, pack plenty of snacks and take a getaway car so you and your husband can buy foodstuffs on your own.

Dear Ann Cannon • My brother has recently converted from Mormonism to a form of Islam and tries to convert everyone he meets. We can't uninvite him to the reunion, but the last time he came, he spoiled everything. Advice?

— Sister

Dear Sister • I'm guessing that some readers here will be happy to point out the irony of Mormons being the target of someone who wants to convert them.

It can be difficult when a family member leaves a familiar path for a new one. Our sense of who that person is — and who we are in relation to that person — changes. Things are further complicated when that family member aggressively invites others to join him or her on the new road. Sigh. Wouldn't it be lovely if we all resisted the urge to discuss politics and religion at family gatherings?

Meanwhile, here's my advice. Elect someone in the familial ranks to speak frankly with your brother, who will then respond in one of the following ways.

1. Take offense and not attend.

2. Take offense and attend anyway with a sense of renewed purpose when it comes to converting you all.

3. Take offense and attend anyway so he can sit in a corner and feel misunderstood and/or injured.

4. Refuse to take offense and behave in a way that is respectful to everyone involved.

If you yourself attend the reunion and discover that your brother isn't letting up, excuse yourself and have a good time with someone else. You can't control him, but you can control your response.

Dear Ann Cannon • Do I have to attend my family reunion?

— Seriously?

Dear Seriously (?) • Of course not. As we used to say on the playground of Edgemont Elementary School, "It's a free country." And then after that we played kissing tag.

Still. You might want to know how much trouble you'll be in if you don't go and decide if it's worth it to stay home.

Dear Ann Cannon • I hate the fact that my sister wants us all to wear matching T-shirts to our family reunion. Ugh. How can I tell her to knock off the matching T-shirt thing?

— T-Shirt Hater

Dear Hater • So what if you have to wear a matching T-shirt one day out of the year? You'll live. (I promise.)

Dear Ann Cannon • Is there something wrong with my family? We've never had a reunion.

— Reunionless

Dear Reunionless • Maybe. I'd have to meet them to find out. But the fact that you don't have reunions doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong.

Dear Ann Cannon • My husband has just come out and we're in the process of amicably separating. He thinks his family's reunion is a good time to share this information. I disagree. What do you think?

— Transitioning

Dear Transitioning • I don't think a reunion is the ideal place to share this development, frankly, because then the reunion becomes all about YOU, which may not be fair to the rest of the family. I'm not saying you should keep this news a secret. I would just share it in a different way.

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