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I would venture to guess that I have seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" at least 100 times, more often than any other movie.
I have seen it in New York, Las Vegas, Seattle, Spokane, and numerous times at Salt Lake City's Tower Theatre, where for several years I was in the "shadowcast" that performs onstage along with the movie.
So it was with a strange mix of dread and antici — SAY IT! — pation that I received the news that Fox would be remaking "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" for television. (The remake, bearing the subtitle "Let's Do the Time Warp Again," airs Thursday at 7 p.m. on Fox, Ch. 13 in Utah.)
My main apprehension about the remake was an existential one: Midnight movies are supposed to be offensive, so transferring "Rocky Horror" to living rooms will sacrifice that elusive spark that made the original so subversively fun.
Surely, TV standards have broadened since 1975, when "Rocky Horror" first hit theaters. The movie has one F-bomb, and only brief nudity (a couple nipple shots of "Little Nell" Campbell as the groupie Columbia). Most of the sexual content onscreen is innuendo and double entendres that would fit at home in an episode of "Will & Grace."
But the attitude of "Rocky Horror" — the omnisexual voraciousness of Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry), the "don't dream it, be it" mantra of the fishnets-and-bustiers finale, the pure campy excess of it all — doesn't seem an appropriate match for broadcast TV.
This week, I watched an advance cut of the "Rocky Horror" remake, and I'm afraid to say that my apprehension was valid.
It's not a complete bust, though. Director Kenny Ortega ("High School Musical") and his cast clearly have a lot of love for "Rocky Horror," and there are moments that joyously capture that love while also bringing something new to the table.
For starters, the opening number, "Science Fiction Double Feature," is performed in the mode of the stage play, by an usherette (played by sultry singer Ivy Levan) evoking the spirit of '50s monster movies as she walks through an old cinema palace.
Levan isn't the only female performer who shines brightly.
Former Nickelodeon queen Victoria Justice shines in Susan Sarandon's role, as good-girl-gone-bad Janet Weiss, once she gets through the rushed opening numbers ("Dammit, Janet" and "There's a Light") with her boring Brad, Ryan McCartan. As Janet falls under Dr. Frank's spell, Justice blossoms.
My favorite, though, is Annaleigh Ashford ("Masters of Sex"), whose performance as Columbia is the remake's most daring reinvention, replacing Nell Campbell's brashness with Goth-chick cynicism.
Other highlights of the new production: The staging of Frank's big finale, which nicely evokes "King Kong"; the legendary Ben Vereen (who turned 70 on Monday) as the crusty science expert Dr. Scott; Reeve Carney ("Penny Dreadful") as a sly majordomo Riff Raff; and Curry giving his blessing by appearing as the Criminologist, the story's narrator.
I had some issues with the staging. Ortega's choreography is too fancy, especially in "The Time Warp," which (thanks to network pressure, no doubt) the pelvic thrusts are de-emphasized. And the inclusion of an audience, to pay homage to the original's interactive aspects, are placed randomly to no good effect.
But "Rocky Horror" rises and falls on the strength of Curry's old role, Dr. Frank-N-Furter — and the way this remake treats the character misses the mark by a mile.
The problem isn't that Laverne Cox isn't talented. She struts through the castle like a tigress, and puts a sexy growl into Frank's signature tune, "Sweet Transvestite."
But regardless of Cox's status as an LGBT icon and an advocate for transgender actresses like herself, as Frank she presents completely as female. That's not who Frank is — as the song says, he's a "sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania." He's a guy in women's clothing, all the better to feed his pansexual appetites.
Making Frank a woman (the dialogue even switches "him" to "her") alters the story's sexual chemistry. It eliminates the two major male gay relationships — Frank and Rocky, Frank and Brad — while turning Frank and Janet's coupling into a lesbian liaison. (The original's one lesbian pairing was Columbia and the maid, Magenta.)
This change seems to revive an old TV double standard that I thought was behind us (especially on the network that gave us "Glee") — that male gay relationships are considered unpalatable, while lesbian couples are mainstream if both women are hot.
Considering that the original "Rocky Horror Picture Show" showed many teens in the '70s and '80s their first onscreen LGBT characters, this remake is a time warp in the wrong direction.
Sean P. Means writes The Cricket in daily blog form at http://www.sltrib.com/blogs/moviecricket. Follow him on Twitter @moviecricket. Email him at spmeans@sltrib.com.