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Ann Cannon: The ABCs of things that should be banned

First Published      Last Updated Sep 27 2016 07:29 pm

Banned Books Week is here (Sept. 27 through Oct. 3).

Yes! It's true! Human beings ban books! And I know I speak for writers everywhere when I say, PLEASE BAN MY BOOKS. Especially in Texas! (Because then our sales will go through the roof.)

But since I don't believe any book should be banned — even books I hate — local bookseller Margaret Neville suggested I write a column about things we wish we could ban instead. So I crowd-sourced friends, and here (in alphabetical order) is what they recommended.

Amazon, anything before noon on Mondays, anxiety, asking questions out loud during movies.

Banning anything, bigotry, blister packs, Bob Costas, Botox, bullying.

Cat haters, Cheetos, children going to school before the sun is up, Christian heavy metal, Christmas, Christmas before Dec. 1, cilantro, coffee drinks that don't taste like coffee, computer spammers, construction zones, Crocs, cutting music and art programs in schools.

Day-old doughnuts, Daylight Saving Time, designated hitters, Dick Cheney, dogs in Home Depot, Dr Pepper in a cold can.

Eight-hour workdays, election cycles that go on forever, extra sugar and salt in food.

Fear-mongering, five-day workweeks, flat-brimmed baseball hats, fried okra.

Gated communities, gender wage gap, gnomes (ouch!), green peppers on pizza, gridlock in government, gristle, grownups who talk like teenagers, yo.

Hashtags #gottogo, hate speech, hipsters, Hulu commercials, human trafficking, humidity, hunger.

Impossible-to-replicate DIY projects on Pinterest, insincere apologies #sorrynotsorry.

Joblessness, judgmental "mom memes" on the Internet as in "Real Moms Don't Buy Their Love."


Leggings worn as pants, light-polluting light fixtures, long, long shorts on professional basketball players, loud bass emanating from any vehicle, loud motorcycles and dirt bikes.

Man buns (as in top-knots and not the other kind of man buns), "Mandy" by Barry Manilow, maraschino cherries, matching socks, mean people, mommy blogs, mosquitoes, music at restaurants so loud it makes conversation difficult.

Narcissists, neckties, new Rubbermaid lid designs, Nicholas Sparks movies, Nickelback.

One-party rule, one-ply toilet paper, overalls.

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