Me: I'd like two tickets for "The Good German Shepherd," please.

Confused ticket seller: OK, that'll be eighteen-fif- wait a minute. What?

Me: "The Good German Shepherd." Two, please.

Confused ticket seller: There's no movie by that name.

Me: OK, never mind. I'll take two for "Little Children of Men."

Confused ticket seller: I don't know what you mean. Do you mean, "Children of Men?" or "Little Children?"

Me: "Little Children of Men." With Clive Owen and what's her name, you know, from "Titanic."

Confused ticket seller: Sir, those are two different movies. Are you messing with me?

Me: No! Forget it. Just give me two tickets for "The Pursuit of Happy Feet."

Take Matt home, please: OK, maybe those swag lounges during last month's Sundance Film Festival weren't so bad. The Philips Simplicity Lounge taught celebrities in Park City how to use a defibrillator. (Because, hey, you never know when you'll be out partying with Lindsay Lohan!) Celebs saved "Matt" - a paper mannequin training mat - by performing a live demonstration with a Philips HeartStart defibrillator, then autographing the mat.

There's no truth to the rumor that Tara Reid, after a few drinks, invited "Matt" back to her condo.

Matt is now available to the highest bidder on eBay, with all proceeds benefiting the American Heart Association. Among the 55 celebrity signees are Aidan Quinn, Billy Baldwin, Camryn Manheim, Gary Coleman, Tom Arnold, Timothy Hutton and, yes, Tara Reid.

Bidding ends Feb. 18. As of Monday, the high bid was only $255, which to me seems like a bargain for Gary Coleman's autograph alone. Come on, people!

Tasteless plug of the week: Within two hours of Anna Nicole Smith's death Thursday, Tribune reporters were getting e-mails from a flack offering interviews with a Washington, D.C.-based tax lawyer about Smith's estate. For shame.

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* BRANDON GRIGGS can be contacted at griggs@ sltrib.com or 801-257-8689. Send comments about this column to livingeditor@sltrib.com.