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Culture Vulture: The third annual LaVar Awards
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2005, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

With the Utah legislative session wrapping Wednesday, this column takes a break from entertainment culture to present The Salt Lake Tribune's third annual LaVar Awards, which honor those fine lawmakers fighting for our interests up on Capitol Hill. (Of course, some folks would rightly say that politics is entertainment - equal parts comedy and tragedy, depending on one's perspective.)

Although the LaVars share a name with a certain Republican legislator from Draper - a mere coincidence, I'm told - they actually stand for Legislative Achievement, Virtuous and Ridiculous.

The Trib collected 2005's LaVar votes by polling the poor saps who spend their winter at the legislative session: lobbyists, legislative staffers, Statehouse watchers and yes, our suffering colleagues in the news media. We received more than two dozen completed ballots, all of them submitted anonymously to insure candor.

The admittedly unscientific results are posted below, with the honorees ranked in order of votes received. It took at least two votes to be named in a category. Thankfully, or perhaps not, there will be no acceptance speeches.

And the LaVar goes to . . .

Best Sense of Humor:

1. Sen. Sheldon Killpack, R-Syracuse (His former job at an amusement park must have helped.)

2. Sen. John "Bill" Hickman, R-St. George

3. Sen. Ed Mayne, D-West Valley City

Most Humorless:

1. Sen. Allen M. Christensen, R-North Ogden (After 45 days on Capitol Hill, what's funny?)

2. Rep. Jeff Alexander, R-Provo

3. (tie) Rep. Glenn A. Donnelson, R-North Ogden; Sen. Karen Hale, D-Salt Lake City; Rep. Neal B. Hendrickson, D-West Valley City

Most Irrelevant:

1. Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper (Just because you talk a lot doesn't mean you have anything to add.)

2. (tie) Rep. Neil A. Hansen, D-Ogden; Sen. David L. Thomas, R-South Weber; Rep. Joseph G. Murray, R-Ogden

Most Persuasive:

1. John L. Valentine, R-Orem (In a landslide.)

2. (tie) Sen. Patrice Arent, D-Murray; Sen. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights

Biggest Ego:

1. Sen. Curtis S. Bramble, R-Provo (Said one voter: He'd be happy sponsoring every bill and ''only would need the rest of us as his audience.'')

2. (tie) Rep. Stephen H. Urquhart, R-St. George; Rep. Jeff Alexander, R-Provo

Most Humble: (Not a lot of nominees.)

1. Sen. Karen Hale, D-Salt Lake City

2. Rep. Steve Mascaro, R-West Jordan

Biggest Arm-Twisters:

1. Sen. Curtis S. Bramble, R-Provo (''Fear and threats go a long way up here,'' said one voter)

2. Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan

Biggest Go-Alongs:

1. Sen. Carlene Walker, R-Cottonwood Heights (Why lead, when you can bring up the rear?)

2. (tie) Rep. Susan Lawrence, R-East Millcreek ; Sen. Gene Davis, D-Salt Lake City

Bought and Sold:

1. Sen. Gene Davis, D-Salt Lake City (The lobbyists' best friend.)

2. (tie) Sen. Al Mansell, R-Sandy; Sen. Michael G. Waddoups, R-Taylorsville; Rep. Stephen H. Urquhart, R-St. George

Champion of Underdogs:

1. Rep. David Litvack, D-Salt Lake City (For his annual sponsorship of a hate-crime bill.)

2. Sen. Ed Mayne, D-West Valley City

3. Rep. Steve Mascaro, R-West Jordan

Biggest Windbags:

1. Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper (It was close to unanimous. Is there anything he isn't an expert on?)

2. (tie) Sen. John "Bill" Hickman, R-St. George; Sen. Curtis S. Bramble, R-Provo

Most Thoughtful:

1. Sen. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights (He actually reads the bills before voting - who is this guy?)

2. (tie) Rep. Ron Bigelow, West Valley City; Sen. Patrice Arent, D-Murray

Most Likely to Be a Member of the Other Party:

1. Sen. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights (''I smell a 'D,' '' wrote one voter)

2. Rep. Steve Mascaro, R-West Jordan

3. Rep. Sheryl L. Allen, R-Bountiful

Most Stridently Partisan:

1. Sen. Curtis S. Bramble, R-Provo (His party, right or wrong.)

2. (tie) Sen. Parley Hellewell, R-Orem; Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan

Captains Courageous:

1. Michael G. Waddoups, R-West Jordan (For taking on IHC.)

2. (tie) Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan; Sen. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights

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Do you have an entertainment news tip, celebrity sighting or comment about pop culture in Utah? Send it to griggs@sltrib.com.

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