"Wickedly Perfect" - Look what being Martha Stewart got Martha Stewart. Do we really need an heir apparent to the homemaking style queen, now serving time for obstructing justice?
"Wickedly Perfect," which airs Thursday at 7 p.m. on KUTV Channel 2, has rounded up 12 prissy perfectionists (including several men) to prove there is someone else who can craft doilies as well as our favorite prison inmate.
The competition series begins with two teams of six - the "Crafty Beavers" and "Team Artisan" - attempting to stitch and bake their way to the top.
In the premiere, the two teams have to pick as many apples as they can then use all of them in a display that includes dishes with apple recipes.
Their work is judged by three "experts," including chef Bobby Flay, a stylist and the author of Sex and the City. The winner gets a TV and book deal.
While all of the participants are too obsessive to be well liked, the one fascinating part of the show is seeing the crafts each team produces. But for that, I could just keep my TV planted on Home & Garden Television.
"The Road to Stardom With Missy Elliott" - If you want to watch this "American Idol" rip-off, you better like hip-hop. It's not only in the opening credits and the background of this UPN series, but contestants sing it non-stop. Sadly, the one person we don't hear sing is the only professional, Elliott herself. The show premieres Wednesday at 7 p.m. on KPNZ Channel 24.
Thirteen contestants board a bus for Elliott's latest tour and try to keep up with her rigorous schedule. Along the way, they perform tasks and auditions in front of judges.
This is a bland, uninspired series, and while some of the wannabe singers are likeable and sincere about breaking into the biz, the show is just too narrow in its musical flavor to be liked by most people. And true hip-hop lovers might find the concept a sell-out for the musical genre.
"The Will" - Gather the trashiest, gaudiest family you can find, dangle a carrot in front of them in the form of an inheritance and turn on the cameras. If you think "The Will" is the kind of cheap and sleazy reality series that only Fox can conjure (e.g. "The Swan”), think again.
This time CBS is the culprit and the results are one of the mangiest reality shows on television. It premieres Saturday at 7 p.m. on KUTV Channel 2.
"The Will" features 73-year-old Arizona land developer Bill Long, who decides to put his beloved Kansas ranch up for grabs while his family competes for that part of the inheritance. The seedy participants include his conniving trophy wife, her slacker son, and Long's own son, who has broken off from the family. Notice how the producers boosted the show's babe factor by including "distant" relatives or people remotely associated with the family.
The contestants have to compete in "Survivor"-like challenges to prove their honor. But why would anyone with an ounce of self-esteem want to appear on a television show to prove how greedy they are? Watch "The Will" and you'll realize just how disreputable people can be.
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Television columnist Vince Horiuchi appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He can be reached at vince@sltrib.com.
Channeling
Alias: KTVX Channel 4, tonight, 8. The popular ABC spy series returns for a new season in its new Wednesday night slot after "Lost."
The West Wing: KSL Channel 5, tonight, 8. Sen. Santos (Jimmy Smits) announces his intent to run for president if Josh (Bradley Whitford) runs his campaign.
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