It's coming. If you're LDS, you'll be sitting in the bishop's office one of these days and he'll lower the new Word of Wisdom boom. You may even lose your temple recommend.

Bishop: "Now then, how much sugar have you had this month?"

You: "Well, I don't..."

Bishop: "Don't lie. The Holy Ghost and I can hear your eyeballs rattling from here."

Americans in general consume way too much sugar. A recent study published by the American Heart Association shows that adults daily consume an average of 22 teaspoons of added sugar in some form.

Note: For those who still haven't mastered the metric system, a gram is a measure of weight equivalent to a full, unbroken graham cracker.

So, teens for example, consume on average 34 graham crackers' weight in sugar every day. If you're still having trouble figuring it all out, it's a lot.

Soda pop seems to be the biggest culprit. A single can of Slurp-O (trademark) contains an estimated 90 grams of high fructose corn sludge, which, when consumed in moderation, will cause arrhythmia in a horse.

Thanks to a more sedentary lifestyle, our higher consumption of sugar means that Americans today suffer increased obesity-related diseases such as diabetes, heart attacks and weight-related wedgies.

As bad as all that is, I laughed out loud when I heard about the study. Twenty-two teaspoons? Is that all? What kind of weenie consumes only teaspoons of sugar? Being Mormon, I consume, on a slow day, about 22 shovelfuls of sugar.

They ought to call processed sugar "Mormon heroin." Thanks to the Word of Wisdom, it's the only drug we're still allowed. Mormons can't (or aren't supposed to, anyway) ingest tobacco, alcohol, and coffee/tea.

The WoW doesn't specifically mention meth, weed, opium, aerosol paint, cocaine and airplane glue. However, it's generally understood that the Lord frowns on anything you can have a lot of fun with by sticking it up your nose.

Some Mormons get around the ecclesiastical buzz ban by swigging caffeinated soft drinks in volume; Diet Coke being the most common. We drink so much of it that many American automakers now offer externally mounted cup holders on mini-vans.

But diet colas don't have sugar in them, so you're really only getting half the permitted rush. We catch up as much as possible with sugar. We tend to overdo food in general, but you can't get a rush from pot roast. So, sugar is IT.

People who have free access to alcohol and nicotine tend to discount a sugar rush. But it's pretty amazing when it's all you got.

After church on Fast Sunday, chase six candy bars, a Hostess fruit pie and a bowl of Fruit Loops with a 44 ounce Diet Coke. Dude, you can hear your hair growing.

But all that sugar is bad for you, probably at least as bad as coffee or rum. I'm thinking the LDS Church won't stand still for it much longer. A sugar amendment to the Word of Wisdom is coming.

I'm not too worried, though. Like many Mormons, I store food. There's over a ton of "Yucatan white" in my basement.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com.