According to the speaker, emerging victorious from such a battle required a shield of prayer, a sword of faith, a helmet of scripture study and a breastplate of - whatever.

I don't remember. I've heard this battle-ready analogy a lot over the years. The weapons always change according to the needs of the lesson. It was probably the breastplate of Family Home Evening.

Truthfully, shield, sword and helmet aren't a lot of protection. That's all the Spartans had in "The 300," and they got the stuffing kicked out of them. So will you. The devil's tough, and he has his own gear.

From personal experience, I can tell you that Lucifer is very handy with the slingshot of sloth, the dagger of indifference and the catapult of not getting your home teaching done.

Write this down. It's a list of spiritual gear that speakers and instructors never mention but that is of paramount importance based on what gets stressed at church.

For example, did you plan on kicking Satan's ass barefoot? I didn't think so. For that job, you'll need the steel-toe boots of correlation.

One of Satan's favorite moves is the low blow of pornography. A helmet isn't going to do you a bit of good there. You'll need the athletic cup of chastity. Do not do battle in cyberspace without it.

An item that no one thinks about until it's too late is the mouth guard of reverence. You do not want to show up at the Judgment Bar without any spiritual front teeth. Heavenly Father will ask what happened to them.

The devil doesn't always have to use a weapon. Sometimes he'll just stick a finger in your eye. Make sure to don your safety spectacles of the straight and narrow way.

As far as weapons go, I'm not a big sword-of-faith guy. I prefer the hatchet of hope or even just the lighter mallet of cooperation.

Some people like to load up on the armor. They'll don breastplates of convention that would stop a javelin of original thought from a dozen yards.

Unfortunately, all that armor will slow you down and won't do you a bit of good if one of Satan's elephants of light-mindedness sits on you.

Let's not forget germ warfare. After a battle, you can't just track Satan's guts all over heaven. Clean up with the Sani-Wipes of pure thought.

I hope this helps. If you're not into doing battle with Satan and prefer to negotiate instead, keep the Derringer of deathbed repentance handy.

rkirby@sltrib.com