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Robert Kirby is on vacation. This is a reprint of an earlier column.
What do you tell people about Utah who have never been here before? Even better, what would you tell them if you have to keep it simple because they don't speak much English? My wife's brother Doug and his Filipino wife Leonor visited Park City this week.
They asked us to show them around. I think the idea was that we would steer them clear of the tourist traps.
It was a little too early to show them the greatest snow on earth. Besides, we didn't want them to leave Utah with the idea that it consists only of wealthy white people and Latino service workers.
First, we showed them around Salt Lake City. They thought the Capitol was the LDS Temple. Then they thought it was the Wells Fargo Building. I think they were a little disappointed to find the real temple squeezed between much taller buildings.
I explained that only Mormons -- and not all of them -- could go inside the temple. That didn't bother them since it was only Tuesday and who in their right mind went to church then?
All Doug and Leonor really knew about Mormons is that they had some relatives who were LDS. They figured that we weren't entirely weird, but what about the rest?
"Where are they?" Leonor asked. "I don't see any people looking like Mormons."
We were driving along Interstate 15 at the moment, so I pointed out various people in the vehicles
"OK, that's probably a Mormon over here. And she might be one. He -- well, I hope he isn't one. That bunch in the minivan are most certainly Mormon."
They asked about polygamy, if the church still permitted it. I said yeah, but that now we got around the anti-polygamy laws by marrying one woman with multiple personalities. I'm not sure which one of my wife's personalities slugged me then.
Leonor and Doug do not drink alcohol, so there was little point taking them to a microbrewery and explaining our booze laws or why our beer was regarded as Kool-Aid by true aficionados. We asked if they wanted to see the Golden Spike monument.
Doug wanted to know if the gold spike was still there in the tracks. I said it wasn't. He said, "Never mind then."
We drove toward the Bingham Copper Mine. I told them it was the biggest manmade hole on earth. Doug said that he had been to Los Angeles recently on business, and had already seen all he wanted to of really big pits.
Giving up on the Wasatch Front, we headed south. We explained Utah history as best we could, telling them how the various towns and features -- Lehi, Manti, Moroni, Nephi, Kokopelli -- got their names.
We stopped at Ray's Tavern in Green River for lunch. It was obvious that Doug and Leonor were bored. Doug asked what there was about Utah that made it home for us.
We pushed them back in the car, drove south and hiked up to Delicate Arch. Sitting inside the magic ring watching desert ravens cut black holes in the sun, they finally understood.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com.
