Good manners are nothing more than being pleasant and making other people feel comfortable.

* You may begin eating when people on each side of you have been served.

* Always ask for an item to be passed instead of reaching for it.

* Silverware is set on the table in the order it is to be used, starting the farthest from the plate and working inward.

* Do not pick up dropped silverware. Ask the server to bring another.

* Put your cell phone on "vibrate"; leave the table to take a call.

What to wear

* "Black tie" means tuxedo for men, long dress or evening separates for women.

* "Black tie preferred" means they really want you to wear a tuxedo, long dress, etc., but if you cannot, a dark suit and tie and a fancy cocktail dress will have to do.

* "Black tie optional/invited" means you have the option of dark suit and tie and cocktail dress.

* "Creative black tie" can be a trendy interpretation of formalwear. A black shirt, no tie, and long or short cocktail dress is fine. "Texas black tie" would add boots for him and Southwestern-style silver jewelry for her.

* "Semiformal," also called "after five," means dark suits for him, cocktail dresses for her.

* "Business formal" is the same as "semiformal" for him, but women opt for more tailored dresses/suits.

* "Cocktail attire" means short, elegant dresses for her and dark suits for him.

* "Informal" often is interpreted as "casual" but actually calls for the same dress as "semiformal."

* "Dressy casual" calls for dressed-up versions of casual looks. For him, it could be trousers and a sports jacket, for her a dressy pants look. Jeans, shorts, T-shirts and other casual looks are not appropriate.

* "Casual" generally means anything goes.

Gracious guest behavior

* An invitation requires a reply: a gracious "Yes" or regretful "No."

* A no-show for a sit-down dinner puts you at the top of the persona non grata list.

* Sometimes stuff happens. If you cannot attend at the last minute, attempt to call, even if you have to call a hotel to get the message through. A call is a must at a private party.

Gracious host behavior

* Check your guest list. Twice. People say it does not matter if their names are spelled correctly. People also fib about other things. If you use name tags, and you should, make sure names are spelled correctly.

* It's insensitive to invite "John and Jane Doe" when one or the other has been dead for a decade; it may cost your worthy cause the good-natured friendship every nonprofit needs.

* Have board members assigned to meet and greet every guest.

* Divide your board members among the many tables. It makes guests feel special.

* Themes unite a group of strangers. University of Utah boosters will have a lot of red; Mardi Gras means masks and beads.

Upcoming

events

* Equity Utah invites you to a Jazz Brunch, today from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. at A Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, Salt Lake City, and a Park City Jazz Brunch, Jan. 14, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., at the home of Richard and Sheri Jaffa, Park City. Tickets are $40; contact www.equalityutah.org.

* Utah International Auto Expo 2007 Charity Preview Party, Thursday, 7:30 to 9:30 p.m., South Towne Exposition Center, 10450 S. State St., Sandy, to benefit American Cancer Society (801-483-1500), Candlelighters for Childhood Cancer (801-487-7844), Huntsman Cancer Foundation (801-584-5811) and Odyssey House (801-428-3408). Tickets are $50; call 801-484-8845.

* Celebrate the official signing at the Salt Lake City/Torino "Winter Olympics Sister City" event Saturday, 5:30 p.m., Hilton Homewood Suites, 423 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City. Food, music. Wear your Olympic pins, jackets, berets; e-mail jelaguardia@hotmail.com.

* NAACP Salt Lake Branch invites you to the 23rd annual Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. Memorial Luncheon, Jan. 15, 11:30 a.m., Little America Hotel, 500 S. Main St., Salt Lake City, Utah. Tickets are $80 for guests over 20; $25 for guests 20 and younger. RSVP by Jan. 9 at 801- 250-5088 or jdw@naacp-saltlakebranch.org.

* Celebrate 50 years in the A. Ray Olpin University of Utah Union Building, Jan. 18, 6 p.m., 200 S. Central Campus Drive, Salt Lake City. Tours, dinner, dessert, fireworks. Tickets are $25; RSVP by Jan. 2 to 801-581-4004 or www.union.utah.edu.

* Boys and Girls Clubs of South Valley celebrate the 19th Annual Living Legacy Award, Jan. 19, 5:30 p.m., Salt Lake City Marriott Downtown, 75 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City. Tickets are $120; call 801-290-4140.

* The Salt Lake Chamber honors Larry H. Miller as "A Giant in Our City" Feb. 7, 6 p.m., Grand America Hotel, 555 S. Main St., Salt Lake City. Black tie invited. Tickets are $150; call 801-328-5050.

* Salt Lake City Public Library Gala is Feb. 12, 8 p.m. to midnight, at the Main Library, 210 E. 400 South. Music, dancing, hors d'oeuvres. Tickets are $100; call 801-524-8200.

* Experience "Dining for the Arts" with the College of Fine Arts dinner series. Next available is "Irish Luck," March 15, 6:30 p.m., Governor's Plaza, 560 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City. Suggested donation is $75; seating limited to 40. Call 801-581-6764. Other dates available: April 12, May 3 and June 23.

If you can't make it ...

Sometimes stuff happens. If you cannot attend at the last minute, attempt to call, even if you have to call a hotel to get the message through. A call is a must at a private party.