Dear Harriette » I have to take exception to the comments of J. in New York City about dressing in stereotypical ''thug'' fashions. Instinctively, and with reason, people take clues from their environment. This is how we have survived in an uncertain world. Unfortunately, there really is a ''thug subculture'' with distinct values in our society - lexicon, music, fashion style, etc. With intent, they set themselves apart from others with these symbols. Perhaps it is only the ''thug'' fashion look that appeals to J. But when he makes a choice to look like a ''thug,'' he has also chosen to give people the first impression that he is a ''thug.'' This reaction may not always be fair, but it is not unreasonable.

If I dress like a drunken panhandler, is it reasonable for me to expect that the general public will reserve their judgment of my real character? I think not. Each of us is free to make our own fashion choices, but we are not necessarily free to dictate the consequences for those choices.

- Bill, Salt Lake City

Dear Bill » People assess each other instantly based on the way they look. A lot of how we look is determined by how we dress and how we carry ourselves. I agree that we all need to ask ourselves what our presentation says about who we are. Many young men - of all backgrounds - have chosen to dress in the fashion of what you called ''thug subculture.'' What happens when one sees that? Very often, fear is the first reaction. Repulsion may follow. Rejection often is next. For others, attraction comes - the bad-boy appeal.

I am not here to say what people must do. I am here to remind people of what Bill just pointed out. How you present yourself tells others who you are.

Be clear about the message you are sending, even if the message is anti-establishment. Just know what it means and what your message says about who you are. Be clear about your goals and how your presentation will get you closer to them.

The good news is that our culture has room for everyone. Find your space and flourish there.

Harriette Cole's column runs Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. E-mail her at askharriette@harriettecole.com.