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Dear Ann Cannon • My husband and I are remodeling our home, which is a good thing. We've looked forward to doing this for a long time. The problem is that I have a neighbor who keeps offering suggestions although I've never asked him for them. He's starting to get on my nerves. How should I handle this situation?

— Bugged

Dear Bugged • The solution is simple. Smile at your neighbor. Thank him for thinking of you. And then do exactly what you want to planned to do anyway.

Dear Ann Cannon • I have skin grafts that look a little like dragon scales. I've been thinking about getting dragon scales actually tattooed on them, but I don't think my oncologist would approve. Should I ask her what she thinks? Or just hope she'll forgive me after it's done?

— The Girl Who Wants a Dragon Tattoo

Dear Girl • Dragon-scale tattoos sound awesome. But seriously, Honey, check with your oncologist first. It's as simple as that.

Dear Ann Cannon • How do you get your grown children and their families to clean up after themselves at your house?

— Tired of Other People's Messes

Dear Tired • The solution here is simple, as well. You say, "Hey, you guys! Please pick up after yourselves!"

Still, "simple" and "easy" aren't necessarily the same things, right? It can be awkward to ask people — especially other adults, even if they're your own kids — to do something they should automatically do on their own.

But that's not the point. The point is that your dirty dishes won't wash themselves. Unless, of course, you're a Disney princess. Feel free, therefore, to tell your grown-up children (who sometimes have a tendency to revert back to nonadult behaviors when they return home) to clean up their messes.

Dear Ann Cannon • A few months ago my mother passed away. Let me say first that 99.9 percent of people were just lovely. They surrounded me with love and comfort and helped make things bearable. A couple of not-so-lovely people stand out, though. One was a cousin of my mom's whom I had never met. She came to the viewing with a demand letter for two books my mom had borrowed at the beginning of her final illness. My mom had not returned them because she was dying. The letter came complete with printouts from Amazon and eBay, showing what she would have to pay if she had to replace the books herself. Needless to say, I was appalled.

The second woman was someone my mother considered quite a close friend. She didn't come to the funeral, but I ran into her several months later. First, she made a cruel remark that it was my mom's fault she died of cancer, because she should have gone to the doctor and caught it earlier. Then she asked that I please return to her a set of silverware that her ex-husband had gifted my mom 20 years earlier. I was very polite to both of these women. Because what do you actually say to people who act with that much callousness and greed?

— Appalled by Unkindness

Dear Appalled • Sometimes words simply fail and the only thing you can say is wow. Just … wow.

Because you haven't really posed a question, I don't have advice for you. But I'm glad you shared this experience with your fellow Tribune readers and me. As you point out, most people respond with a generous and open heart to the individual who has lost a loved one. But if you're that rare individual who sees no problem with taking a demand letter to a funeral, here's my advice for you. Don't. Just … don't.

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