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Weak insults scream 'I'm a graceless dork'

Published April 29, 2014 1:01 am

This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2014, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Dear Carolyn • At church or other public functions, my ex-boyfriend comes up and greets my friends with kisses and hugs, when I am standing right there. He gives me a nod. This causes me no end of grief. My question is about my friends' behavior. I think out of loyalty to me, they should not allow him to greet them so effusively — or else, he should greet me with more than a nod. I spoke to my one friend about it, and she said she would "try to remember," but I don't think that's good enough.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated • "No end of grief"? That's almost as funny as what your ex is doing. Yes, funny. When someone does such a clumsy, obvious job of insulting you, it's actually a backhanded compliment. He's trying to deliver a scathing put-down, right? But the message he's actually sending is this: "I am a graceless dork." As put-downs go, he's brandishing a crayon scribble as if it's the Mona Lisa. You have a range of appropriate responses, all of which will serve their purpose as long as you treat his behavior as the crayon scribble it is. A pointed, "Hello, Ralph," would do it. Or a gently teasing, "Really?" No appropriate response, by the way, involves trying to control your friends. Cut that out.

Dear Carolyn • My first marriage ended 15 years ago. It lasted eight years and did not end well. While we were married, she and I did a lot of world traveling and took many photos of our travels. I have since remarried and my wife and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. The old photos from my world travels are in a box in the garage. Included are photos of relatives and friends who have since passed away. Should I take a day and rummage through the photos to see the ones I want to keep or should I just throw the entire box away? It will be painful and emotional either way.

M.

Dear M. • I can't imagine throwing away photos of deceased loved ones just because I didn't want to feel bad for a day. It's like abandoning priceless archaeological relics because I don't want dirt under my nails.

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