Herbert’s cowboy poetry doesn’t flatter politicians
Published: July 1, 2013 02:25PM
Updated: July 1, 2013 06:38PM

As one of his last acts as chairman of the Western Governors’ Association, Utah Gov. Gary Herbert composed and performed a work of cowboy poetry on Sunday.

His “Easy Fixin’s,” about a politician who goes bronc riding and gets injured, is too long to recount fully here — four minutes.

But we’ve transcribed the heart of the story, which begins with a surgeon bantering with colleagues about what type of people are the easiest to operate on.

“Politicians are the easiest because they ain’t got much inside

Their motor skills are pretty good, they can really sink those putts

But open them up — no heart, no spine — they don’t have any guts

I’ve done some experiments, though it may sound like a fable

The truth is that their head and rear end are interchangeable.”

(Then the narrator resumes)

“I heard them all a laughin’ as I finally went under

But what happened in that surgery must have been a blunder

My broken bones soon mended, but at first I thought I were mute

for every time I done tried to speak it came out as a toot

So if you love politicians, then watch yourself and beware

‘cause what comes out when they’re speaking is oftentimes more than just hot air.”

— Dan Harrie, with hat tip to Judy Fahys