May be time to punt on this relationship
Dear Carolyn • I'm in love with a wonderful guy and thinking long-term with him. But, he is an EXTREME football fanatic and I'm not interested, despite efforts by both of us to get me excited about the game.
I feel like the current football season has really put a strain on our relationship, sapping all the time we would normally spend together. I'm also still nursing wounds because he got offered last-minute tickets to a playoff game and canceled plans we had made months earlier in order to go.
I am very, very self-conscious about coming across as a nag or a shrew. I generally try to be as understanding as possible about it; he actually gave me the chance to veto his trip to the playoffs, and I told him he should go.
Sometimes I join him to watch the game, sometimes I make plans with girlfriends or stay home instead. Either way, I feel like I am making a sacrifice for the sport.
The idea of feeling this way for several months every year is the ONLY thing that gives me pause about this guy. Put in those terms, do you think this is major enough to spell incompatibility, or not that big a deal?
Me vs. Football
Dear Me vs. Football • If you're ready to accept a life of never making ambitious plans on a Sunday afternoon from mid-August to early February, then you can have a really happy life with a rabid football fan.
If you like that he has a passion even if you don't share it, then you can have a really happy life with a rabid football fan.
If you can respect his choice of passion, instead of speculating (openly or internally) what's so darn special about men in tights jumping into piles, then you can have a happy life with a rabid football fan.
But if the only way you can see his football habit is as an obstacle to the life you'd rather have, then do both of you a favor and rethink this guy as a viable long-term prospect. Relationships are complicated, but happiness in a relationship isn't: It's just wanting exactly what you have. Wanting something else is dispiriting.
Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.