Scott D. Pierce: 17 ways to waste your holiday watching TV
Consider this the Bah, humbug! report.
If, for whatever reason, you want to spend an entire day in front of the television set on Tuesday and you don't want to watch "A Christmas Story" 12 times there are several TV marathon alternatives. Some good, some bad, some sort of ridiculous:
"Alaska: The Last Frontier" • (1 p.m.-4 a.m., Discovery) This is not Sarah Palin's show. It has that going for it.
"America's Next Top Model" • (7 a.m.-3 p.m., Oxygen) and "Bad Girls Club" (3 p.m.-4 a.m., Oxygen) Warning: straight hours of this may result in psychological damage.
"Call of the Wildman" • (9 a.m.-9 p.m.; 10 p.m.-4 a.m., Animal Planet) Turtles and possums and pigs, oh my!
"Doctor Who" • (6 a.m.-8 p.m., BBC America) Thirteen repeats, topped off by this year's holiday special. Yes, it's Christmas-y but this is a great show.
"Dumbest Stuff on Wheels " • (10 a.m.-10 p.m., Speed Channel) Idiots going fast.
"Fringe" • (6 a.m.-midnight, Science Channel) This is most of Season 2. So if you jump in, you'll be completely lost.
"How to Train Your Dragon" • (7 a.m.-7 p.m., FX) This really is a fantastic animated movie. You probably won't want to watch it six times in a row, but ...
Indiana Jones marathon • (USA) The great, the disappointing, the pretty good and the much maligned "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (10:25 a.m.); "Temple of Doom" (12:58 p.m.); "Last Crusade" (3:32 p.m.); and "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (6:21 p.m.)
"Karate Kid" marathon • (G4) Movies of lessening value: "Karate Kid" (7 a.m. and 3 p.m.); "Karate Kid 2" (10 a.m. and 6 p.m.); "Karate Kid 3" (12:30 and 8:30 p.m.)
"Man vs. Food" • (7 a.m.-6 p.m., Travel Channel) Eleven hours of gluttony seems more Thanksgiving than Christmas.
NBA • Lots of hoops going on today Celtics at Nets (10 a.m., ESPN); Knicks at Lakers (1 p.m., Channel 4); Thunder at Heat (3:30 p.m., Channel 4); Rockets at Bulls (6 p.m ESPN); Nuggets at Clippers (8:30 p.m., ESPN)
"New Girl" • (7 -9 p.m., Channel 13) Fox is airing a four-episode mini-marathon of this very funny sitcom. And, yeah, a couple of them have a Christmas theme.
"Perry Mason" • (noon-6 p.m., Channel 11) Hint: Perry is probably going to win his cases.
"Ridiculousness" • (noon-4 p.m., MTV) This Internet video clips show is a ripoff of "Tosh.0." Only less funny.
"Rizzolli & Isles" • (10 a.m.-8 p.m., TNT) 10 estrogen-filled episodes, followed by the season finale at 7 p.m.
"Tia & Tamara" • (7 a.m.-2 a.m., Style) I like the Mowry twins. But not enough to watch them for 19 straight hours.
"World at War" (6 a.m.-4 a.m., Military Channel) You can get through most of WW II in one sitting.
Scott D. Pierce covers television for The Salt Lake Tribune. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org; follow him on Twitter @ScottDPierce.