Kirby - The Salt Lake Tribune http://www.sltrib.com/columnists/Kirby Stories from The Salt Lake Tribune &copy; 2014 The Associated Press, The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Learn more about our privacy policy: http://www.sltrib.com/pages/privacy. en-us webmaster@sltrib.com (Webmaster) Kirby: Hard for Utahns to choose between atheists and aliens http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/57836861-80/atheists-atheist-kirby-sltrib.html.csp My closest friends and I are a diverse group. What brings us together is a shared interest in the Big Bang that created the universe. Some of us believe it was a natural random event. Others believe it was a bored omnipotent being who wanted to see what a laundry scoop of quantum gunpowder would do to an old toaster. Either way — voila! — here we are. Two of us are atheists. One is a staunch Mormon and another a lapsed Catholic. The fifth claims to be a Buddhist but none of us really believe h... My closest friends and I are a diverse group. What brings us together is a shared interest in the Big Bang that created the universe. Some of us believe it was a natural random event. Others believe it was a bored omnipotent being who wanted to see what a laundry scoop of quantum gunpowder would do to an old toaster. Either way — voila! — here we are. Two of us are atheists. One is a staunch Mormon and another a lapsed Catholic. The fifth claims to be a Buddhist but none of us really believe h... <img src="http://mngislctrib.112.2O7.net/b/ss/mngislctrib/1/H.17--NS/0?&pageName=RSS" height="1" width="1" border="0" alt=""/> 57836861@www.sltrib.com Sun, 20 Apr 2014 10:17:39 MDT Kirby: Think you’re both in love? Prove it by changing faiths http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home3/57828031-200/love-faith-kirby-committed.html.csp Are you single, lonely and a committed [insert faith here]? Are you interested in meeting other [insert faith here] singles for the purposes of romance? Does your heart yearn for a shared faith so you can marry and then divorce in a few years when one of you changes his or her mind about [insert faith here]? Given the divorce rate in America, that might be a more accurate way of promoting religious singles dating sites. People, even those we love, have a tendency to change. If you’re not curre... Are you single, lonely and a committed [insert faith here]? Are you interested in meeting other [insert faith here] singles for the purposes of romance? Does your heart yearn for a shared faith so you can marry and then divorce in a few years when one of you changes his or her mind about [insert faith here]? Given the divorce rate in America, that might be a more accurate way of promoting religious singles dating sites. People, even those we love, have a tendency to change. If you’re not curre... 57828031@www.sltrib.com Fri, 18 Apr 2014 11:59:43 MDT Kirby: A few deductions about tax day http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/57818594-80/kirby-deductions-receipts-tax.html.csp It’s a scary time. Caesar Augustus once again decrees that all the world shall be taxed. Everyone has to return to the cities of their birth to settle up. Again, there will be no room left at the Post Office. If that isn’t disconcerting enough, a sign marking the occasion appeared in the heavens early this morning. A rare lunar eclipse confused many and scared the hell out of the some shepherds. Not to worry. Wednesday morning everyone gets frankincense and pajamas. Or maybe that’s Christmas. I... It’s a scary time. Caesar Augustus once again decrees that all the world shall be taxed. Everyone has to return to the cities of their birth to settle up. Again, there will be no room left at the Post Office. If that isn’t disconcerting enough, a sign marking the occasion appeared in the heavens early this morning. A rare lunar eclipse confused many and scared the hell out of the some shepherds. Not to worry. Wednesday morning everyone gets frankincense and pajamas. Or maybe that’s Christmas. I... 57818594@www.sltrib.com Tue, 15 Apr 2014 01:01:02 MDT Kirby: University of Utah fight song may be better left behind http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/57807264-80/song-kirby-fight-skyline.html.csp Entirely against my will, my family moved to Utah from California in 1970. I was forced to finish an abysmal formal education at Skyline High School. Skyline was deep in the Reign of Schmidt that year. Coach Ken Schmidt had taken the football team to the state championship the previous year and would do it again my final year ... as well as three more times. I only know this about Ken because we were inducted into the Skyline High School Hall of Fame on the same evening in 2004. The irony of s... Entirely against my will, my family moved to Utah from California in 1970. I was forced to finish an abysmal formal education at Skyline High School. Skyline was deep in the Reign of Schmidt that year. Coach Ken Schmidt had taken the football team to the state championship the previous year and would do it again my final year ... as well as three more times. I only know this about Ken because we were inducted into the Skyline High School Hall of Fame on the same evening in 2004. The irony of s... 57807264@www.sltrib.com Mon, 14 Apr 2014 06:13:16 MDT Kirby: Thanks for Mormon church’s Temple Square reporter ban http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/57796384-80/church-kirby-didn-robert.html.csp My entire life people have encouraged me to attend church. They’ve used any number of methods, including concern, commandments, fear, love, guilt and even force to get me there. My personal favorite was reward. Go to church and I could have ice cream. Sit through Sunday school and I could go play afterward. In the early days, it was force. I HAD to go to church or get punished. Oh, it never came down to choosing between Sunday school and having my hams tuned up by the old man. Even he could see... My entire life people have encouraged me to attend church. They’ve used any number of methods, including concern, commandments, fear, love, guilt and even force to get me there. My personal favorite was reward. Go to church and I could have ice cream. Sit through Sunday school and I could go play afterward. In the early days, it was force. I HAD to go to church or get punished. Oh, it never came down to choosing between Sunday school and having my hams tuned up by the old man. Even he could see... 57796384@www.sltrib.com Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:48:40 MDT Kirby: ‘Walter’ the bowling ball howitzer did us proud http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home3/57779734-200/ball-kirby-walter-bowling.html.csp Rush Valley, Tooele County • On Saturday, Sonny Dyle and I took Walter into the desert and shot him. We shot him a lot. It was hilariously fun. Walter is our bowling ball cannon, named in honor of Sonny’s dad who died last year. Walt lived to be 77 but maintained a reckless streak that I greatly admired. Naming a cannon after him is fitting. There were witnesses to the shooting: Sonny’s wife, Sue, assorted friends, neighbors and two guys who just happened to be driving by and thought a group o... Rush Valley, Tooele County • On Saturday, Sonny Dyle and I took Walter into the desert and shot him. We shot him a lot. It was hilariously fun. Walter is our bowling ball cannon, named in honor of Sonny’s dad who died last year. Walt lived to be 77 but maintained a reckless streak that I greatly admired. Naming a cannon after him is fitting. There were witnesses to the shooting: Sonny’s wife, Sue, assorted friends, neighbors and two guys who just happened to be driving by and thought a group o... 57779734@www.sltrib.com Wed, 09 Apr 2014 07:08:52 MDT Kirby: Shooting the bull over bowling balls http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/57775249-80/bowling-kirby-balls-robert.html.csp Finding bowling balls to shoot at Japan from Tooele County has proven more difficult than Sonny and I anticipated. Apparently we aren’t the only ones with a BB cannon. We aren’t the most accurate bowling ball gunners either. Of the 10 balls we shot off last week, we only recovered (whole or in pieces) seven. Apology: If you live near Elko and recently had your roof aerated without an appointment, that’s my bad and not Sonny’s. We tend to argue about powder charge sizes. Some readers responded q... Finding bowling balls to shoot at Japan from Tooele County has proven more difficult than Sonny and I anticipated. Apparently we aren’t the only ones with a BB cannon. We aren’t the most accurate bowling ball gunners either. Of the 10 balls we shot off last week, we only recovered (whole or in pieces) seven. Apology: If you live near Elko and recently had your roof aerated without an appointment, that’s my bad and not Sonny’s. We tend to argue about powder charge sizes. Some readers responded q... 57775249@www.sltrib.com Sun, 06 Apr 2014 15:14:20 MDT