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Robert Kirby

Last Updated May 25, 2016 10:41PM

We got lucky in Orlando, Fla., and Salt Lake City. Lines at TSA checkpoints did not rat maze through the airport, extend out the door and stretch over the horizon. In Salt Lake City, we were through security in under …

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  • Courtesy Robert Kirby  Robert Kirby (in verboten sunglasses) and temporary mission companion Danilo Prego in 1974 in Uruguay. Kirby: Thus saith the Lord, go and get yourself some cheap sunglasses
    This is my temporary LDS missionary companion Danilo Prego and me at a beach in San Jose de Carrasco, Uruguay, on New Year’s Day, 1974. It’s about 99 ...
    Updated May 23 2016 03:36 pm   |     |   Share
  • |  Courtesy Robert Kirby  Robert Kirby and grandkids enjoy a stop on their 2016 Disney cruise. Kirby: This kraken has finally washed ashore
    We arrived home late Sunday night after sailing 2,300 miles around the Caribbean under the lawless flag of the Mouse. It was a grueling but successfu...
    Updated May 20 2016 09:21 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Scott Sommerdorf   |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Golfers tee off at Glendale Golf Course, Sunday, February 15, 2015. Kirby: Got problems? Being bad at golf can help
    Editor’s note: Robert Kirby’s hands are sunburned from his recent cruise and he can’t type. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Every once in...
    Updated May 18 2016 10:43 pm   |     |   Share
  • |  Courtesy  Robert Kirby at All Saints Kirby Cane church in Norfolk, England. Kirby: Is there summer school for Sunday school?
    Editor’s note • After spending a week together on a Disney Cruise, Robert Kirby’s family bundled him into a life raft and pushed him out to sea. This ...
    Updated May 15 2016 10:09 am   |     |   Share


MORE ROBERT KIRBY COLUMNS
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I can’t remember all the things I can’t remember
    Editor’s note: We think Robert Kirby is likely drunk on a beach somewhere. This is a reprint of an earlier column. A recent worldwide study reveal...
    Updated May 13 2016 07:40 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I’ve painted myself into an artistic corner
    Editor’s note • Robert Kirby was last seen in Key West, Fla. This is a reprint of an earlier column. At a recent art auction, I was staring at a p...
    Updated May 12 2016 11:14 am   |     |   Share
  • |  Courtesy  Robert Kirby at All Saints Kirby Cane church in Norfolk, England. Kirby: If you don’t think church is boring, you’re part of the problem
    Editor’s Note • Robert Kirby is somewhere off the coast of Florida. This is a reprint of an earlier column. I am in the middle of an important chu...
    Updated May 15 2016 10:07 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Hey, CIA — get your bugs out of my steak
    Editor’s Note • Robert Kirby is busy deciding which bowling balls to pack for his Disney cruise. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Employees...
    Updated May 09 2016 06:17 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Chris Detrick  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Law Enforcement and members of the pubic salute as Officer Douglas Scott Barney’s flag-draped casket is brought into the Maverik Center Monday January 25, 2016. Barney was shot Jan. 17 in a confrontation with Cory Lee Henderson, a fugitive parolee who was fleeing the scene of a traffic accident in Holladay. Henderson later was killed in a shootout with officers, according to police. Kirby: The sacrifices made by Utah police officers are never-ending
    Today the Utah Law Enforcement community honors 139 of its brothers and sisters killed in the line of duty since the 1847 arrival of Mormon pioneers. ...
    Updated May 05 2016 07:35 am   |     |   Share
  • (Scott Sommerdorf   |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   The LDS temple on Temple Square, Friday, November 27, 2015. Kirby: Mind your own business, bishop
    Trapper’s daughter is getting married. Like me, they’re LDS. This means a bunch of things have to happen before they can wed for time and all infirmit...
    Updated May 02 2016 02:52 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: How I learned to pick my battles — and my backup
    Editor’s note: Robert Kirby is off. This is a reprint of an earlier column. The first club I ever belonged to was the Elwood Street Rangers. I was...
    Updated Apr 29 2016 09:47 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I made a vow with Satan, and now I’m paying the price with a Disney Cruise
    Everyone has a list titled “Things I Will Never Do Again.” These are personal experiences that ended so horribly the mere idea of attempting them agai...
    Updated Apr 27 2016 07:02 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Francisco Kjolseth  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)    The statue of Brigham Young at BYU is seen in this photo from September 2013. Kirby: How bad is breaking the BYU Honor Code? Depends on how you regard honor
    I went to BYU years ago. I don’t recall signing an Honor Code. It’s possible I did; it’s one of those things a guy like me would have immediately forg...
    Updated Apr 24 2016 12:48 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Lennie Mahler  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   The Huntsman family is buying The Salt Lake Tribune)  . Kirby: Here’s what to expect now that I’m part of the Huntsman family
    You’ve all heard the news by now. The Salt Lake Tribune is being purchased by the LDS Church, more specifically by one of its shell corporations, Hunt...
    Updated Apr 22 2016 08:56 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: How I learned to pick my battles — and my backup
    Editor’s note: Robert Kirby is off. This is a reprint of an earlier column. The first club I ever belonged to was the Elwood Street Rangers. I was...
    Updated Apr 29 2016 09:47 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I made a vow with Satan, and now I’m paying the price with a Disney Cruise
    Everyone has a list titled “Things I Will Never Do Again.” These are personal experiences that ended so horribly the mere idea of attempting them agai...
    Updated Apr 27 2016 07:02 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Francisco Kjolseth  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)    The statue of Brigham Young at BYU is seen in this photo from September 2013. Kirby: How bad is breaking the BYU Honor Code? Depends on how you regard honor
    I went to BYU years ago. I don’t recall signing an Honor Code. It’s possible I did; it’s one of those things a guy like me would have immediately forg...
    Updated Apr 24 2016 12:48 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Lennie Mahler  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   The Huntsman family is buying The Salt Lake Tribune)  . Kirby: Here’s what to expect now that I’m part of the Huntsman family
    You’ve all heard the news by now. The Salt Lake Tribune is being purchased by the LDS Church, more specifically by one of its shell corporations, Hunt...
    Updated Apr 22 2016 08:56 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I’ve got too much job experience
    Chicago White Sox player Adam LaRoche announced his retirement from baseball after being told by the club president to reduce the frequency of bringin...
    Updated Apr 21 2016 10:28 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: I lied — and that’s the gospel truth
    I lied to my LDS bishop in order to serve a mission. It bothered me a little at the time, but I got over it rather quickly. It was a practical matter ...
    Updated Apr 17 2016 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • (Scott Sommerdorf   |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Fresh flowers from ’Growing Empire’ in Millcreek for sale at the opening day of the 2014 Downtown Farmers Market at Pioneer Park, Saturday, June 14, 2014. Kirby: The grass is always greener on my neighbor’s side of the fence
    My next door neighbors are Geoff and Karly Short. Geoff, whom I call “Bishop Short” on Sunday, is a reasonable and congenial person. Not only is he my...
    Updated Apr 16 2016 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • (Lennie Mahler  |  Tribune file photo The Huntsman family is buying The Salt Lake Tribune)  . Kirby: What will I do if the Tribune goes out of business?
    OK, I’m going to answer a question people won’t stop asking me. I’ve grown weary of answering it one at a time, so I’ll do it here and now for everyon...
    Updated Apr 14 2016 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • This January 2005 image made by the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope shows the Whirlpool Galaxy (M51) and a companion galaxy. The Whirlpool’s two curving arms are star-formation factories, compressing hydrogen gas and creating clusters of new stars.  The Hubble Space Telescope marks its 25th anniversary. A full decade in the making, Hubble rocketed into orbit on April 24, 1990, aboard space shuttle Discovery.  (NASA, ESA, S. Beckwith (STScI), Hubble Heritage Team STS via AP) Kirby: I hope I don’t have to explain religion to space aliens
    In the upcoming issue of Discover magazine, scientists explore the possibility of Earth being contacted by technologically superior extraterrestrials ...
    Updated Apr 10 2016 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Be smart — don’t talk to teenagers
    One morning when I was in high school, my mom announced that we were having pancakes for breakfast. I said, “Outasight!” The word was barely out of my...
    Updated Apr 13 2016 05:02 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Chris Detrick  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Abigail Ramirez and Jamie Galindo drop a bowling ball onto a concrete beam during an experiment at Judge Memorial High School Tuesday April 5, 2016. Dr. Dasch Houdeshel’s students were testing the structural strength of concrete beams built with and without tin cans inside of them by dropping a 10 pound bowling ball from different heights onto them. The concrete beams without cans survived a 10 lb bowling ball dropped from 8 feet, where the beams with cans broke in half from a drop of as low as six inches. Kirby: Who better to teach integrity than a mindless vandal like me?
    I’m not proud of this, but I once shot out some windows when I was a teenager. Things probably wouldn’t have gone so badly (for me) if I’d used a BB g...
    Updated Apr 06 2016 10:47 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Al Hartmann  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)    Thousands gathered on the steps of the Utah State Capitol Monday March 29 to listen and pray with Franklin Graham, son of evangelist Billy Graham.  It was part of Franklin Graham’s 50-state Decision America Tour. Kirby: We need to vote God out of politics
    The Rev. Franklin Graham came to Salt Lake City last week to encourage us to put God back into politics. It was a waste of time. This is Utah. God has...
    Updated Apr 06 2016 08:25 am   |     |   Share