This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2008, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
Recently, I spoke to a group of non-Utahns. It was clear from the beginning that none of them knew much about Mormons other than we were possibly - how to put this nicely? - nuts.
These were not stupid people. In fact, I admit to being the dumbest person in the room. They were in Salt Lake for a university-level conference. They probably all had doctorates in stuff more or less useful.
After my gab, I took polite questions about Mormonism, namely polygamy, the temple, plural marriage, underwear, extra wives and some more about polygamy.
One lady wanted to know when "regular" Mormons like me stopped practicing polygamy. I said we never did. She said she was pretty sure that we had because she read about it in Newsweek.
I explained that Mormons like me no longer needed to take plural wives to live polygamy, that there were enough disparate personalities in one average woman to satisfy the Lord on the matter.
Judging from the looks, about half the room believed me. The rest understood immediately that not only was I not a fundamentalist Mormon, but not their idea of a "regular" Mormon either. How many kinds were there?
A lot, but you wouldn't know it from the way people talk about us these days. Currently, the LDS Church is working hard to keep the world from confusing the FLDS in Texas with the LDS in Utah.
Truthfully, there are all sorts of LDS groups, or Mormon types. Here are some of the ones I know about:
* LDS: Latter-day Saints, or your "regular" Mormons.
* RLDS: Reorganized Mormons, or Mormons who didn't go to Utah with Brigham Young when the church was run out of Illinois.
* FLDS: Fundamentalist LDS. The cloistered men and oddly coiffed women you're seeing on television down in Texas these days.
* GLDS: Gay Mormons. Not only are some Mormons gay, some gays want to be Mormon. They just don't like the marginalizing that comes with the territory.
* XLDS: Ex-Mormons, many of whom still congregate and talk about church, sometimes way more than they did when they were Mormons.
* BLDS: Black or African-American LDS. Not all Mormons are white. There are also LLDS (Latino Mormons), NALDS (Native American Mormons), OLDS (Oriental Mormons), and, eventually, MLDS (Martian Mormons).
* JLDS: Jack Mormons, or Mormons who don't practice the faith, most noticeably Mormons who smoke and drink.
* NLDS: Nazi Mormons, the overly rigid, lock-step, black-and-white wearers and thinkers who give the rest of the world a Mormon stereotype to work with.
* ALDS: Atheist Mormons, or Mormons who still maintain a social connection with the church but don't believe in God or gold books.
* *LDS: Mormons who figure it's none of your business what kind of Mormon they are.