The up-and-coming journalist worked several years after his diagnosis until the disease began to affect not only his body but also his mind. Then it became clear: "It was time for my wife to go to work and me to stay home with the kids," Black said.

Midway through his adult life, about 15 years ago, Black became the dad who looked after the kids' skinned knees, the one who made the doctor appointments and drove carpool, the one who volunteered in class and got dinner on the table.

The change was dramatic for the Black family, but positive in many ways.

It was good for his wife, Barbara, who finished college and became a teacher. "It pushed me to meet my goals," she said.

It was good for the three kids, who never learned to place people into narrow gender roles.

"Having my dad home, and even just the time we would spend driving to school and him telling me stories . . . that kind of helped me when I became a father. I spend a lot of time with my daughter," said Tyler Black, dad to 2 1/2 -year-old Mona.

Was it good for Bob Black? He thinks a minute before answering.

"It kept me from having a pity party," said the 53-year-old Salt Lake City man, whose MS is now stable and controlled. But more than that, he said, it gave him great satisfaction. "I felt like I had my hand in [my children's lives and upbringing]. It did help me."

Researchers have long known that children who have involved, nurturing fathers benefit in a number of ways, from higher grades and lower rates of drug and alcohol use, to higher self-esteem and later sexual involvement.

But what may come as a surprise is that fathers benefit from a close, nurturing relationship just as much as kids do.

"There's all sorts of internal growth and development that occur once men have that experience of being a parent, especially through the connection with an infant," said Sean Brotherson, a Brigham Young University graduate and professor at North Dakota State University who co-edited the new book Why Fathers Count: The Importance of Fathers and Their Involvement With Children. Fathering directly affects a man's health, happiness and satisfaction, he said.

After becoming fathers, "men think about things they have never focused on from new and different points of view," said one essay in the book. "Fathers frequently change their eating habits, substance use and exercise routines . . . They experience a new intensity and quality of feelings."

The real benefits become obvious as a man approaches the end of his days and begins to assess how meaningful his life has been.

Researchers hope that knowing about those benefits might give more men the incentive they need to get involved in their kids' lives. A quick look at our culture would suggest that all dads are now involved dads. They change diapers on TV. Bookshelves are quickly filling with parenting volumes that used to be written for women alone. Writers, fans and parents across the country debated LeBron James' announcement that he would skip a game for the birth of his second child if it happened during the NBA finals. The Cavs player didn't have to; the baby was born hours before Thursday's game, and James was in the room. Would there even have been a question 15 or 20 years ago?

But many researchers say those dads are still not the norm.

The majority of fathers - about two-thirds, according to best estimates - are still not involved in their children's lives in a substantial way, said Don Herrin, a professor in the department of Family and Consumer Studies at the University of Utah. Even in the "fatherhood" classes he teaches at the U., he still hears a lot of comments from young men who say they don't plan to change diapers or get up in the middle of the night with crying children. "That's a woman's job," they tell him.

According to the National Center for Fathering, 25 million children in the United States - nearly 40 percent - live in homes without fathers. Millions more live with fathers who are not involved in their lives.

Many scholars have declared the number of fathers who are absent or uninvolved "the most urgent social problem in the United States today," according to Why Fathers Count.

Men like Bob Black, Joe Bouley and Paul Murphy know what the other guys are missing.

Bouley said he wasn't around much when his two older daughters were young. The former Air Force pilot was flying stealth fighters over the Nevada desert or being deployed around the world during those early years. He discovered how different fatherhood could be when he remarried, switched jobs and started a second family.

"It was kind of enlightening," he said.

Today, he flies for United but tries to arrange his schedule so he works only about 12 days a month. The rest of the time he spends with his four youngest kids while his wife works full-time as an attorney.

"I'm more hands-on now. I'm involved with all aspects of school and extracurricular activities," he said. "It's a lot better. . . . I just enjoy hanging out with the kids."

He looks at fellow pilots who are approaching his age, 52, who don't have any kids. "I don't really feel sorry for them. But what are they going to do later on? I'm looking forward to grandkids. I think my life has been really enriched. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Paul Murphy left his job as a bond trader with one of the biggest hedge fund managers on Wall Street to ride the train and eat milk and cookies with his then-1-year-old son Nate. That was 13 years ago, and he hasn't looked back.

It helped that he didn't particularly enjoy his job at the time. And his wife, Nancy, was just beginning a demanding job as a rehab pediatrician.

She could have - and would have - enjoyed staying home, he said. But "her job is infinitely more important than any work I could do. . . . I think a man's responsibility is doing the best he can to take care of his family. In this situation, what was best for the whole family was for me to stay home."

Like Black and Bouley, he has loved the changes that give him so much time with his children, three boys. The neighbors know Murphy as a fun dad who joins in massive water fights and regularly holds math study sessions open to any kid who wants to join.

"It's been great. It's been rewarding. I can't imagine it any other way," he said. "It's part of who you are."

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* JENNIFER BARRETT can be reached at jbarrett@sltrib.com or 801-257-8611.

Facts about U.S. fathers

Dads got an official federal holiday more than 50 years after moms, in 1972. Other numbers for dads:

* 66.3 MILLION: Estimated number of fathers in the U.S. in 2006.

* 95 MILLION: Estimated number of Father's Day cards given in the U.S. in 2005.

* 26.4 MILLION: Fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children younger than 18.

* 2.5 MILLION: Single fathers in 2006, up from 400,000 in 1970.

* 159,000: Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in 2006.

* 84: Percentage of child-support providers who are men. They provide median support payments of $3,600 annually.

* 72: Percentage of Americans who plan to celebrate Father's Day. 32: Percentage of fathers who worked evening or night shifts and were primary caregivers for their children while their wives worked.

* 22: Percentage of single fathers whose family income exceeds $50,000.

* 18: The percentage of single fathers living with their children.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau