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With a scarf knotted around his head, a hoop dangling from his left ear and his eyes black with mascara, Kirby Heyborne stands at the edge of the Great Salt Lake clutching a wooden sword.
It's 90-plus degrees under a merciless sun. Salt from the lake's briny waters covers Heyborne's legs, and thousands of pesky brine flies swarm about his face. He has every right to be miserable.
"I've never had so much fun on a shoot," says the blond, boyish actor best known to Utahns for his comic roles in such LDS-themed movies as "The Singles Ward," "The R.M." and "Sons of Provo." "I go home every day thinking this is the best experience of my life."
Heyborne is making "Pirates of the Great Salt Lake," a low-budget comedy being filmed in 19 days this month with little-known actors and a leaky rowboat. Pirates in landlocked Utah? Aye, go ahead an' laugh, ye scurvy dogs! The $300,000 movie is a long way from Disney and Depp. But producer Nathan Phillips, who co-wrote the script with director Eric Nelson, believes they might have a "Napoleon Dynamite"-like sleeper on their hands. The filmmakers hope to screen the movie at film festivals - including Sundance - next year and attract a distributor who will book it in theaters.
"We're so happy with the way it's turning out," says Phillips, whose fledgling, Utah-based production company is called Blue Shift Entertainment. Like "Napoleon Dynamite" director Jared Hess, both Phillips and Nelson went to film school at Brigham Young University. And both left California for Utah, where they believe movies can be made more cheaply and easily.
The movie's plot goes like this: Heyborne plays Kirk, a twentysomething misfit who has long fancied himself as a modern-day buccaneer. Along with his sidekick Flint, Kirk buys some pirate gear and a little boat and sets out for adventure on the Great Salt Lake. When the pair run across an old treasure map, they must battle a wicked rival to claim the prize - which may or may not be cursed.
"It sounds like we're 11-year-old boys. But we're grown men," says Heyborne of the movie's quixotic duo. "The characters are so quotable and endearing. It's really original, and the funniest thing I've read in a long time."
"Pirates of the Great Salt Lake" also stars Larry Bagby, who appeared with Heyborne in the LDS-themed war drama "Saints and Soldiers," and newcomer Trenton James as Flint, Kirk's loyal first mate.
"I'm the Marcie to his Peppermint Patty," James says cheerfully, his eye covered with a black patch. "I'm the Siegfried to his Roy."
Quirky and self-aware, the movie references "Pirates of the Caribbean" when Kirk and Flint try to plunder an elderly couple only to be ridiculed as "cute" pirates, "like Johnny Depp." To prepare for the role, Heyborne ignored the Depp film in favor of old B-movie swashbucklers. He also bought a billowy pirate shirt and spent two months growing an authentic pirate beard.
The crew is filming scenes in Orem, at Utah Lake and in Danger Cave near Wendover. (It's not a pirate movie without a cave!) But most of "Pirates" is being shot along the west shoreline of Antelope Island, beside the Great Salt Lake.
The lake's shallow depths allow cameramen to film pirate boats while standing in knee-deep water. The timing of the shoot, however, is less fortunate. The heat is oppressive and the brine flies, whose life span is but a few weeks, hatched just before filming started. To escape, cast and crew retreat to their trailers whenever possible.
"Obviously there are other bodies of water around here. But you can't get the same look," Phillips says with a grimace, eyeing the mosquito bites on his legs. "Still, I don't think we'll do another Great Salt Lake pirate movie," he chuckles. "We'll make the sequel in Lake Tahoe."