Font ResizeTraditionally, asking teens to do chores has been a tricky venture.
But when Paula Fox asked her 15-year-old daughter to unload the dishwasher recently, her daughter simply replied "fine." No attitude. No sulking -- at least not any that Fox could see. The exchange was brief and simple.
It was done via a cell phone text message.
"It's way easier to do over a text than when I ask her to do it person," said the Salt Lake County mom. "I don't get the rolled eyes or have to hear 'I know, Mom.' Maybe there's a little bit of avoidance there, but it works for both of us."
While many worry the rise of text messaging will lead to the downfall of social skills and relationships, some say it can actually help parents and teens connect. At an age when many kids give their parents the cold shoulder, texting can actually lead to more communication and help diffuse tense situations, said Alyson Schafer, a Toronto-based psychotherapist and author of several parenting books.
"It doesn't detract from our face-to-face interactions," Schafer said. "I see it as being additive and enhancing the existing relationship. [The teen years are] when we know they need the most parental support and communication tends to break down."
For example, a teen might be too embarrassed to answer a phone call from mom when out with friends but can answer a text message without anyone knowing he's responding to a parent. Parents can keep tabs on their children,
"It's easier," said Hayley Jensen, 15, of Bountiful. "If you're out with your friends, you don't want to sit and talk to your parents."
Teens might also express themselves to parents more over text messaging than in person or over the phone. Most teens wouldn't call home just to thank parents for a good meal, to tell them how a test went or offer a quick compliment.
But they might text message it, Schafer said. The typical U.S. teen with a cell phone sends and receives about 2,899 text messages a month compared to 191 phone calls, according to a June report by The Nielsen Company.
Negla Shah, 18, and her sister Sidra Shah, 17, said they sometimes text "I love u" to their mom. They said they see it as a way to brighten her day. Schafer said her own daughter occasionally texts her "i miss u" or "thinking of u."
"What parent doesn't want to hear that from their teenager?" Schafer said.
Texting can also help ease the friction that often arises between teens and parents over curfews, chores and responsibilities, Schafer said.
"Emotion doesn't get relayed over text," said Paula Fox's daughter, Hannah Fox.
West High senior Jordan SooHoo, 17, said texting allows him to measure his responses to his dad more carefully than he might in the heat of the moment.
"You get time to think out what you're saying," said SooHoo, who estimates he sends and receives about 400 text messages a day. "You can say what you mean."
SooHoo's dad, Jeffrey SooHoo, said he'd still rather have a phone conversation with his son than talk over text.
"It's a bizarre way of communicating, but maybe they need that layer of insulation," Jeffrey SooHoo said. "I find it inhibiting because they're in control."
But he still uses it. He texts to learn his son's plans, to make sure he's safe, and above all, for the same reason many parents have joined their teens in the thumbing frenzy.
"It works," he said.
