NBC President: "OK boys, we need a home run here for the network. We're in last place, so we need plenty of boobs, black cars and bombs. Whaddya got for me?"

Network Guy No. 1: "Hey, let's bring back 'The Dukes of Hazzard.' "

Network Guy No. 2: "Hey, let's bring back 'CHiPs.' "

Network Guy No. 3: "Hey, why don't we come up with something different. You know, we get 'The Sopranos' creator David Chase or David Simon from 'The Wire' to create something totally different that focuses on the human condition with really three-dimensional characters and an intriguing continuing story line."

NBC President: "Network Guy No. 3, you're fired. You'll never work in this town again."

Network Guy No. 4: "Hey, let's bring back 'Knight Rider.' "

NBC President: "That sounds great! Greenlight that for the fall. Boy, I'm hungry. Whaddya say we get an alfalfa sprouts sandwich at Spago, your treat."

And thus the new "Knight Rider" was born. Unfortunately, that's how much thought went into making the show as well.

The series, which premieres Sept. 24 at 7 p.m. on KSL Channel 5, is an insipid, banal and cheap-looking remake of the David Hasselhof action series that plays more like a 60-minute Ford commercial.

In the pilot, a hunk named Mike (Justin Breuning) is hired to pick up a man whose DNA is a secret code. But trouble ensues, of course, and Mike employs the help of his souped-up black Mustang (voiced by actor Val Kilmer) that can transform into just about anything except a good TV show.

Plenty of gorgeous women and tire-spinning smoke are thrown in for good measure in what has to be the most cynical of TV making: a series that exists only for better ratings.

Yet this is a car show strictly for the junk yard.

'Gary Unmarried'

A much better new series at the same time as "Knight Rider" is CBS' "Gary Unmarried," a sitcom about a newly divorced father of two (played by "Jerry Maguire's" Jay Mohr) who juggles his new girlfriend, his kids and his ex-wife.

While it plays out like a pretty typical multicamera comedy filmed in front of an audience, the jokes about the trials of dealing with an ex were pretty funny. The series premieres Sept. 24 at 7:30 p.m. on KUTV

Channel 2.

And Mohr, who usually has come off as gruff or overly sarcastic as he was in "Maguire" or his failed but brilliant Fox comedy "Action," is softened quite a bit in this show, making him more likeable.

Don't expect the pain of divorce here, just the little annoyances. And while those of us who are still married hope to never reach that point, we can innocently laugh along with those who have.

vince@sltrib.com