After all, he who dies with the most toys wins, right? And nice girls finish last, right?

Maybe. It appears that plenty of us are looking for another kind of success model as millions of people flock to books and seminars telling them not just how to be monetarily and professionally successful, but how to be personally happy and fulfilled.

Motivational speaker and sales guru Bob Burg is delivering one of those messages in a new bestseller. Co-authored with John David Mann, the The Go-Giver (Portfolio, $19.95) is written in the currently popular parable form that tells the story of ''Joe,'' who yearns for professional success but seems to get further away from his goals as he works harder and harder.

Through interactions with other characters in the story, Joe soon learns that in order to be truly successful, he must quit thinking in terms of what he wants, but instead focus on giving others what they need.

Some lessons: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment; your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interest first; and the most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

While some may think the parable is a little too warm and fuzzy in the often cutthroat working world, Burg says he deliberately kept the message simple in order to emphasize the ''false dilemma'' of saying that you must be wealthy or happy, but you cannot be both. (Join the blog discussion of happiness and success at www.anitabruzzese.com).

''People are being sold a bill of goods,'' Burg says. ''Most people are givers. We're a nation of givers. But we tell people in the business world they're either givers or receivers. What we're saying is that you can be yourself. You can be nice and profitable.''

Burg says the biggest mistake people make in their jobs is believing they should receive something before they add value. In his book, he points out that the ''law of compensation'' means that your income ''is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.''

For example, in Burg's book, Joe learns of a schoolteacher who, while she serves her students well, finds that she can touch more people - and earn much more money - by developing and distributing educational software.

Burg's contention that ''your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment,'' may be hard to swallow for some in this global, 24/7 competitive marketplace, but Burg contends that such selfless actions will pay off in numerous ways.

For example, in the story, Joe loses an important account because it doesn't fit the client's needs. But instead of throwing his phone out the window once he gets the news, he follows one of the rules and decides to add value by recommending a competitor who could fulfill the client's needs.

So while some may contend that Joe needs ''sucker'' added to his resume, the parable tells how Joe is later repaid by that competitor sending work Joe's way.

''Of course, these actions may not happen that fast in real life, but the point is that you must work in your lifetime to develop a sense of purpose and intent,'' Burg says. ''I'm not saying that you need to be a doormat, but I am saying that you can do the correct thing and still be No. 1. You can be nice and still be successful, and be much more fulfilled.''

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* ANITA BRUZZESE can be reached c/o Business Editor, Gannett News Service, 7950 Jones Branch Drive, McLean, Va. 22107.