So, now that you're older and wiser, you can admit that (deep down) you knew you shouldn't have done those things. Then why is it that you still aren't willing to admit that you're making some serious errors, this time at work?
It could be that you've gotten into the bad habit of blaming your career problems on everyone else: your dumb boss, your dumb co-workers, the dumb company, the dumb industry, and the dumb world.
How about dumb you?
Dumb doesn't necessarily mean intellectually lacking. In this case, it means an unwillingness to see the writing on the wall, to listen to what your good sense is telling you.
For example, you know the woman in the cubicle next to you is a conservative sort, and keeps a very low profile. But you can't help using obscene language around her, and have been known to share a dirty joke with her, even when you can tell it offends her.
Or, maybe the boss asked employees to refrain from bringing political affiliations and opinions into the office. But you hung presidential candidate posters near your workspace, and even wore a candidate's face on a T-shirt for weeks before the last election.
And there was the time there was a farewell party for a longtime employee, but you dodged it and played games on the computer instead.
You may contend that it's a free country. Yes, it is. But that doesn't mean such actions that are aimed at making others uncomfortable are a smart move at work. So you shouldn't be surprised when the boss doesn't give you a promotion, when you're passed over for a big project, or when you are marked down on your performance evaluation for not being a good communicator or a team player.
Don't act outraged. After all, you were asking for it, weren't you?
If you want to be successful at work, you've got to stop shooting yourself in the foot. That means you save your need for self-expression for times away from work, and that you strive to find ways to build a bridge to others instead of trying to burn it down.
The first step in recovering from career sabotage is acknowledging that you are responsible for not only what you do, but also what you don't do.
l Take a fresh look around. For one week, just observe and listen. Try to look at your coworkers with a new eye. Note at least one good quality each person has, even if it's just that the woman in accounting is definitely good at math, and the man at the front desk always brings a good dessert to the office potluck. Also, keep your ears open. You may hear that the reason a team member has been testy is because a relative is sick, or a cranky baby is keeping her up at night. The point is to become more aware that everyone has a life they care about not just you.
l Think before you speak. Before you tell that dirty joke or mention your political opinion, stop. Is it really vital to your job? Is it something you'd like repeated, verbatim, in a performance evaluation in front of your boss? If not, keep your mouth shut.
l Reach out. It's time to acknowledge that your need to stir the pot at work, either by your actions or inactions, is really just your way of trying to get attention. Instead, start offering your help to co-workers instead of your criticism or negativity. Focus your energies on forging new relationships and work habits that will net you the kind of career success you want.
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Anita Bruzzese can be reached c/o Business Editor, Gannett News Service, 7950 Jones Branch Drive, McLean, Va. 22107.
