Dear Harriette: I have a very good friend who is very loud. She's as thoughtful as anybody I've ever met, and I really do love her, but sometimes she grates on my nerves. She's told me that other people have commented on her boisterous personality in the past, and it hurt her feelings. Because she seemed so upset, I didn't say what I thought. But what's happening now is, I will try to avoid her if I'm not in the mood for her overly dramatic personality.

- Maureen, Columbus, Ga.

Dear Maureen: It's wise to choose the times you spend with different people, based on how you interact with each other. You can also be honest with your friend. In a kind and clear way, ask her to turn down the volume sometimes, to listen more and generally to be mindful of how others are responding to her. Tell her you are mentioning this because, even for you, sometimes she can be overbearing. This may sting at first, but it is the gift one hopes to receive from a true friend.

Dear Harriette: I rarely read advice columns but this headline, ''Remarks about weight hurt rather than help,'' grabbed my attention. At the end, you wrote, ''Let's talk about this.'' OK, I am talking. I couldn't agree more with Marsha. At 6 foot, 300 pounds, I am the smallest male in my family. Both of my brothers are three inches taller and 100-plus pounds heavier. My better half is a petite Asian lady. She is constantly nagging me about my weight, and I absolutely guarantee it hasn't helped me lose one pound. Her criticism makes me feel self-conscious - and it makes me feel bad about the image I think I present to the world.

Every time I drop five to 10 pounds, she will make a remark along the lines of ''That's great. Lose more.'' Instantly, this upsets me and, later that night, I sneak into the kitchen and eat, gaining back all the lost weight.

We don't argue about money, we argue about my weight. When I hit 315, I decided to shed the pounds on my own and not talk about it. I have now lost 15 pounds, and if she has noticed, she's keeping quiet. (We recently celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary, so this obviously is not a make-or-break issue.)

- Bill, Seattle

Dear Bill: Your story underscores the reality of many people: Even in a marriage, comments about weight can be hurtful. You are doing the right thing by losing the pounds for yourself. Try not to yearn for your wife's compliments. Just stay the course. If you can reduce and stabilize the weight, your quality of life will improve.

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Harriette Cole's "Sense and Sensitivity" column runs Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail Harriette at askharriette@harriettecole.com.

Dear Harriette: