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SAN DIEGO - As time goes by, many people develop a soft spot for parents who were hard on them.

That includes Hillary Clinton. She said in a recent interview that when she first arrived at Wellesley College, she got so homesick that she called her parents and told them she wanted to come home to Illinois. Her normally strict father said, ''That's OK. You come home.'' But her mother, recalled Hillary appreciatively, said: ''Don't you dare.'' Hillary stayed at Wellesley and graduated. She went on to Yale Law School and met a young man from Arkansas who changed her life. Together they made history.

Never underestimate a mother's power.

Hearing that story made me question how I'd react if, 15 years from now, my daughter called from college and said she was miserable and asked if she could come home. It would be hard to resist the temptation to rush out and pick her up myself.

I'm still new at this. But I've learned that practicing parenthood is like practicing medicine: Heal when you can, but first do no harm.

An article that appeared several weeks ago in USA Today made clear how much harm some well-meaning baby boomer parents are doing to their college-educated 20-something kids by coddling them, enabling them and - in many cases - supporting them financially as they wander through the post-college wilderness deciding what to do with their lives.

The boomers know better. Wasn't it John Lennon, one of their icons, who noted that life is what happens while you're busy making other plans?

Today, many young people have big plans. They're waiting around for the perfect job at the perfect company paying the perfect salary to fall into their laps just perfectly. Or maybe they don't have any plans. Confronted with a buffet of choices, they're frozen by indecision and can't decide what to sample first. What weighs on their minds is the opportunity cost - what they're missing out on while they're busy trying something else.

There is the problem. Those of us who started out wanting to do one thing in life only to discover a passion for something else know that sometimes you have to plunge in and try various jobs before finding a good fit. There is nothing wrong with that.

These kids are often long on education and degrees, but just as often short on passion and drive. It turns out it's hard to be hungry when you spend your time visiting buffets. Who knew?

According to the article, many baby boomer parents are subsidizing their children's ''failure to launch.'' Some look back on their own experiences in the 1970s and they want to give their children time and freedom to explore and experiment. Others are still trying to be their child's best friend instead of being a good parent. And still others seem to have bought into the idea that their kids are so special that they really should hold out for a job as special as they are.

These parents are trying to be supportive, but they're confiding to friends that they're getting worried and impatient and frustrated. They're worried that their safety net has become a hammock. They're impatient that their kids can't settle on a profession. And they're frustrated at having to push their kids into the work force when they should be planning their own retirement.

It may be that parents sowed the seeds for this sort of thing years earlier by indulging too many whims and giving in too easily when their kids wanted to switch from ballet to gymnastics, only to drop gymnastics to take up soccer. Or by encouraging the kids to participate in too many activities rather than taking jobs in the summer or after school, where they might develop a strong work ethic. College recruiters and human resource managers report that although many young people boast of impressive achievements while in school, the one thing often missing is work experience.

Now parents are trying to make their 20-something kids more comfortable so as to prepare them to enter the world - ''He's living at home to save money for an apartment'' - when, all the while, they're having the opposite effect.

Say, I had better rethink this. If my daughter were to call from college and want to come home, I know just what I'll tell her: ''Honey, you had better talk to your mother.''

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* RUBEN NAVARRETTE is a columnist for The San Diego Union-Tribune. E-mail: ruben.navarrette@uniontrib.com