This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2008, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
PARK CITY - With all due respect to the Sundance Film Festival, creativity is overrated. You don't need it to describe Park City this week.
I spent Saturday with Park City Police Sgt. Annette Ellis. The sun was up, but Friday night wasn't over.
Cops were still cleaning up the mess caused when the power on Main Street went out just as the bars loosed several thousand drunks. Also, some idiot stealing a flat screen TV from the Main Street Mall fell off the roof.
Around 10 a.m., a guy woke and found a half-dressed drunk woman in his bathroom. Because he had no idea who she was, they argued over the fact that she was using his toothbrush. He called the cops.
We arrived as the woman was leaving. Her Friday night must have been really busy. She had a skinned-up face, dog poop on her shoes and a blood-alcohol content still around 0.15.
With the typical pick-a-fight logic of a drunk, the woman tried explaining her side: "I [deleted] went to a [deleted] party, OK?" The cops let her go when no one pressed charges.
Back on Main, parking had reached mayhem levels.
A man flagged us down to ask whether people with ''disabled'' license plates had to pay to park. He had brought his wife up to stargaze even though he wasn't impressed with movie stars.
Plenty of other people wanted to see some stars. I thought I saw Lindsay Lohan. Because she was behind the wheel of a city bus, it very well could have been her. And what looked like high volume barker Billy Mays of "KaBoom!" fame was actually just some guy unloading a truck. I did see Jack Black, though.
The cops towed one celebrity's Mercedes from a parking garage. It was unlocked and the keys were in the ignition. Inside were luggage, clothing, money and a ticket for driving 105 mph.
I didn't see any films, but there was plenty of entertainment. After lunch (lamb gyro for me) a dozen animal rights activists stood outside a fur shop. "Burn these buildings to the ground! It's a fur war!"
Passionate people always claim their cause is a war, but they don't really mean it. If it was, we could shoot at them.
The opposition didn't make any better sense. A few passers-by hollered that they loved animals because they taste so good. If the ability to reason is where we draw the line with our food, then we really should be able to eat those people as well.
Sundance should give itself an award. Really, you can't make this stuff up.